What's Your Story?

Buzz, Love

What’s in the story? Magic, literally, like an incantation that creates reality.

I got three separate emails from three women, over the last few days, I found so ironic I had to ask each of them if I could share parts of their emails with all of you. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. All three of these women are between 27 and 30. All three are smokin’ hot ladies. All three work in the financial services industry. The similarities between them are shocking. Even more surprising, two of them live in Baltimore and one is from the DC metropolitan area. So, basically they live within an hour of each other. However to the best of my knowledge they’ve never met.

Email number one:

I’m seriously fet up with this dating crap. I’m just done. I swear every guy I meet is either a player or worse yet a complete dog. I believe my sister married that last decent guy on earth, (honestly he isn’t even that great). I am a loser magnet. The last guy I went out on a date with had to excuse himself from the table four times while to took calls from his “mother”. When it came time to pay the bill his credit card declined, and believe it or not he still had the nerve to invite himself back to my place when the date was finished. What the hell??? --- Kelli

Email number two:

I’ve been on Match.com for six months. I’ve asked everyone I know to set me up. I work in a building of men. I haven’t been on a date in over a year. What’s wrong with me? I’m pretty, fit, have a job, and I think I’m pleasant enough to be around. I swear I only have one cat. At this point Chester is the only man in my life, so I’m not giving him up. The last relationship I had was three whole dates with a guy who told me at the end of our third date he was gay as I was leaning in to kiss him good night. Where did all the men go? My sister has suggested I put in for a transfer to Alaska. I don’t fare well in the cold. Help!!! --- Carrie Ann

Email number three:

Wow! I can’t believe it! I am loving this dating thing. I met two fabulous guys last week and have another date scheduled this week with a guy my brother knows from work. Tad says he’s awesome. I’m going to need to get myself an assistant to keep my social calendar straight! Seriously if I’d known I was going to have this much fun I would have broken up with Michael months ago and gotten myself back out there sooner. What a ride!!! -- Emily

That’s right. All three of these women who are extremely similar have stories that couldn’t be more different. The irony is these three women are pretty much in the same dating pool. Individually, they are almost interchangeable. What gives?

What separates them are their stories and stories are powerful. However, they are quite fluid. You can try on a story like a change of cloths and decide which ones to keep and which ones to put back. That said, many of us put on and keep stories that don’t fit well and aren’t flattering. I know you can change your future by changing your story. Even more powerful, I believe you can change your past by changing your story about it. Our stories aren’t always true, they aren’t stuck to us, and we don’t have to keep them.

Upgrading a story is a lot of fun. You can really be just about anyone you want to be. Before I met my husband I was a single mother, living in the sticks, struggling to keep my business afloat. Those facts be damned I decided to date only men who made more then $750,000 a year, just for sport. My 16 year old son and I planned it as a social experiment. I had been on a streak of dating unemployed, uninspired men and wanted to prove a point to myself about what was possible. There was no evidence in my life to prove this would work. I had to upgrade my story to being quite the hot commodity to get myself into that market. But I did, and I dated doctors, Micro Soft Millionaires, a professional athlete, and attorneys. Shockingly enough, when I re-branded myself as a successful, entrepreneur, business owner, (yeah, kind of a stretch) living in a beach cottage, (true, but it was in the sticks), who was super feisty and sexy, (that part was mostly true), those men were quite happy to be in my company - and there were plenty of them.

What’s in the story? Magic, literally, like an incantation that creates reality. So, for my three East Coast girls, I hope they read this article and realize what kind of spell they are casting with their stories and make sure they are keeping ones that make them feel very sexy, where it’s raining straight men, that are nice to their mothers and love puppies.


Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the author of the book, How to Escape from Relationship Hell. She is also the host of The Relationship RX Show. For more information and resources about marriage and relationships visit www.escapefromrelationshiphell.com or subscribe to her FREE newsletter Relationship RX.