When the warning signs are on the wall, they really do apply to you.
I know I shouldn’t watch, but I am watching the Charley Sheen thing play out. I admit it, I’m guilty. I can’t take my eyes off of it. It’s drama at it’s best because it’s real life and it’s happening to someone else. There are so many aspects to this story that catch my attention. However, for me, as a relationship coach, it’s the Goddesses. I am fascinated with the dynamics behind the scenes that are fueling this fire. These two very young women have a front row seat for the what appears to be a train wreck. What’s keeping these two Goddesses in their seats?
It can’t be hard for either of those two to find a date or a sugar daddy in Hollywood. They’re both gorgeous, both seem pretty intelligent and well spoken, and both seem nice and to genuinely care about Charley and his kids.
So, what gives?? What is would inspire two hot chicks who seem to have options to share their lover with each other, while simultaneously watching his world implode and quite possibly put themselves at risk at the same time?
I don’t know.
I saw an interview with one of the Goddesses a couple of days ago that caught my attention. She was back in the mid-west leaving court after a hearing regarding a DUI or something like that. She was being grilled leaving the courtroom about Charley’s latest wild rant. Here’s a chick who’s life is in turmoil with trouble of her own and all they can ask her about is this latest horrible stream of Charley Sheen consciousness that he’d publicized to every outlet that would carry it. When the reporter asked her if she supported his decisions, she smiled and calmly replied, “Of course. I support everything Charley does. You don’t know him the way I do.”
The reason those words caught my attention was I have heard those exact words probably hundreds of times from my clients. Honestly, I’ve been guilty of uttering them myself.
Understand this, I do not have a window into “Sober Valley Ranch” and the Sheen residence. I don’t have an opinion on what’s happening behind those closed doors. What I do know is that when a woman, or a man for that matter is saying those words about their partner, there’s usually big trouble in paradise and it’s usually obvious to everyone.
I’ve talked to countless women with explosive men who think they have some special ticket to that man’s secret real self. They usually think they are the only one who really knows this gentle, wonderful, soft spirit. Often they think they are the only one’s who can save him from himself. They believe they have some larger then life, romance of a lifetime, connection with a monster. These women see the warning signs, their friends and family see the warning signs, the world sees the warning signs. However, these women think those warnings don’t apply to them.
She thinks she’s special. After all, is said and done he’s let her see his “real” self. No one knows him like she does. Unfortunately, she is the one, most at risk.
I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to think you have some secret pass into the soul of a destructive man. That said, hind sight is always 20/20. In my case, and in most cases, the man everyone else is warning you about is the real deal. If the warning signs are flashing brightly - take heed. Chances are high you are not going to get a pass from the destruction.
Sure, there are exceptions to every rule. Your mom may not like every guy you bring home. However, if none of your friends or family like him, that is a situation you should pay close attention to. Chances are they don’t like what’s happening to you or what you are becoming in this relationship.
Here’s the deal. Life with a man that has one personality is wonderful. You want to be with a man who is the same wonderful man inside the house, at work, at play, with the kids, with his family and yours, and with you. Having a partner that doesn’t have secrets and is fully integrated as a mature caring human allows you to have an honest, mature, relationship that allows you to live in integrity. This is a man and a relationship you are proud of.
So, here is my open note to Charley’s “Goddesses”.
Real Goddesses are surrounded by peace and beauty. They are respected on all levels. Real Goddesses do not live in fear. They are not a part of a spectacle. Real Goddesses have the self determination to steer their own course away from danger of any kind, because they know they deserve to be handled with reverence. Real Goddesses know they can love unconditionally, from a safe, and sometimes permanent distance.
We all are holding you in the light of love that you may not be able to see yourselves right now. We are praying not just for your physical safety, but your emotional and spiritual safety as well.
Lastly, just consider the potential reality that you may not know him at all. It appears he doesn’t know himself that well right now. There is no shame in leaving.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the Love Whisperer. She is a Law of Attraction Relationship Coach and author of The Passion Plan and Escape from Relationship Hell. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives. You can find her at her digit home, www.lisamhayes.com. Get her free audio, How to Talk to a Man, HERE.