How to Spot a Lie

Could Lying Lead to Infidelity in Your Relationship?
Love, Heartbreak

I recently heard from a client I hadn't talked to in several months. She was almost in tears.

Nine months later is when she called me. She'd just found out he'd been in very close contact with his ex-girlfriend for most of their relationship.  Additionally, over the months she'd learned he didn't actually have the position with his company she thought he had.  Also, although he'd claimed to be close to his family, she learned there had been a falling out and he hadn't even spoken to his own children in years.

She felt blindsided by the revelation that he was still in a very close relationship with his ex. She'd put almost 30 pounds of the weight she'd lost back on.

What happened? In retrospect, the writing was on the wall from the very first few dates. This was a man who wasn't who he said he was. Bottom line, he wasn't the fitness fanatic he claimed to be in his profile.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind that this man was a few pounds heavier than she thought he'd be; the issue was that he'd sold himself as something he wasn't.

Who you are in the world is 1,000 times more important than who you say you are.

I always say you want to be in relationship with someone who has one personality. They are awesome in private and in public. They are exactly who they say they are no matter what's going on around them. We like to give people the benefit of the doubt. We don't want to be too picky, however, if you want the love of your dreams, be uncompromising. Choose like your life, or at least the life of your dreams, depends on it—because it does.

The people we let closest to us need to be worthy of risks we take when we fall in love.

Compassion is the key to happiness, in equal measure with honoring a hardline when it comes to your heart.

When someone doesn't behave in a way that's consistent with who they say they are, the behavior trumps the words every time. There is no such thing as a small dishonesty. Inconsistencies matter a lot. If you want to know how to avoid another big break up, start by only starting relationships with people who are worth keeping around.

This article was originally published at http://www.lisamhayes.com/how-to-spot-a-lie.php. Reprinted with permission from the author.