Five Easy Steps to Get the Passion Back


The most dangerous myth about marriage is the belief that it’s natural for the “spark” to fade.

The most dangerous myth about marriage is the commonly held belief that it’s natural for the “spark” to fade over time. Most people believe that little something, something, that was so juicy and delicious in the beginning will fade. It’s natural.

But here’s the truth. It doesn’t have to. It’s not natural. In fact, if the spark fades, that’s the number one sign that something is wrong. There have been more studies on the causes of divorce than anyone can count. However, you can generally sum it up by saying, marriage satisfaction fades. In very simple terms, the spark goes dim, disconnect happens, boredom sets in.

The good news is this. It’s fixable. Passion is your natural state. So, if you decide not to buy into the myth, you can fan those sparks into a roaring fire faster than you think.

So, what’s a girl to do if she finds herself missing the passion you enjoyed so much of early in your relationship?

1.  Make it a priority. Energy goes where attention flows. Just by making your love life a priority, things begin to shift. In real life, it’s easy, in fact it’s almost unavoidable, if you’re not paying attention, for other things to take over. A priority is something you invest energy in. Energy comes in the form of time, and maybe even money. If you want a rocking sexy relationship, it’s going to need to be something you invest in.

2.  Never underestimate the power of being naked. Trust me on this, your man enjoys seeing you naked, no matter how you feel about being naked. We are much more critical of our bodies than men are capable of being. They aren’t wired that way. Men are visual creatures, so be generous with your body.

3.  Speaking of nudity, sleep in the buff. Ditch the tee shirt and sweats. Make it a habit to spend as much time as you can skin to skin. Skin to skin contact increases the production of Oxytocin. Oxytocin in known as the “cuddle” chemical. It promotes bonding. The bottom line is, when you’re naked next to each other, nature literally takes it’s course.

4.  Schedule a date for sex, and keep it. If your sex drive is lower than you’d like it to be, believe it or not, having more sex is likely to make you want more sex. Sex generates a flood of brain chemicals and hormones that feel good and trigger the body to cue for more. In the beginning of trying to recalibrate your sex life, it can feel forced, but the more you do it the more natural it becomes.

5.  Commit to at least a half hour of nonsexual physical touch everyday. There is a lot of power in just holding hands. It signals a couple bond. Let’s face it, you don’t hold hands with your business partner. You do hold hands, cuddle, and caress your lover. Research shows you can spot a healthy couple in public because they naturally engage in touch. Find a way to make nonsexual touch a part of everyday for a minimum of thirty minutes.


Lisa Hayes is an LOA Relationship Coach and Author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell and the Passion Plan. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy, specializing in LOA Coach training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" Click here