Expert: How To Get Over Your Ex

Heartbreak, Self

Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions about "how to get over him." Breaking up is hard to do. It doesn't matter who does the breaking up; at the end of the day, and the end of the relationship, there is usually a lot of hurting. Getting over him can seem like a full-time job that goes on and on. People have a lot of well-intended, interesting techniques for getting over someone. There is the cutting of energetic cords, EFT, journal writing about all the sorrow, voodoo (always one of my personal favorites) and countless other methods for forgetting. All of those things may work sometimes, for some things, but when no magic method is taking the sting off, what's a girl to do?

First of all, my advice is stop trying to avoid the hurt. Serious sorrow can't be avoided. It can't be measured out in small convenient doses. All the avoiding the pain really only makes it last longer. Facing feelings that are real—and really getting into them—is the shortest path to peace. I know it's uncomfortable. It's never a good time. However, if you're in it, it absolutely is the right time to feel everything you're feeling, deeply and intensely. That which you resist persists. So, stop resisting. Not to mention, there is great, profound beauty in sadness. Lives change and miracles emerge.

Secondly, stop trying to do anything to get over him. If you are trying to cut the energetic cords with him, your focus is on him. If you are doing EFT about your feelings for him, your focus is on him. If you are putting a voodoo curse on his new girlfriend, your focus is on, you guessed it, him, and her... The key to getting over him is not thinking about him. Your energy is better spent learning to knit. Seriously. Your energy is better spent on yoga, or hiking, or contemplating your beautiful complexion. Bottom line, you won't turn the corner until your focus is squarely where it should have been all along, on you.

I know it sounds hard core, but it's a hard lesson to learn. Heartbreak changes things forever, usually for the better. You get to decide how to manage it. You get to decide how to face the demons. You get to decide if you want to look for the beauty or hide in the shadows. At the end of the day, or the end of a relationship, though, all you have is you. You are the only thing that is any of your business. Get back to the business of you.