3 Lessons I Learned About Men From Being An Exotic Dancer

Sex: Why You Should Be Open To Your Husbands Sexual Needs

It's counterproductive to shame your husband for his sexual desires.

Being an exotic dancer has allowed me to gain massive insight into men, especially when I spend so much time around them. One of the benefits of being an exotic dancer is that I have the pleasure of speaking with various men about sex. I get so many different views and perspectives about sexuality. What better way to understand the thoughts and needs of a man than talking to them personally? I really enjoy the juicy and stimulating perspective of a man. As woman, we want to understand the thought processes of a man. We want to know what they really want and desire. It has been my joy to research top questions that women want to know but are afraid to ask. I take these questions to the work place so that I can bring you the most authentic, uncensored, and raw truth from men. I want to reveal 3 key things that I learned from men by being an exotic dancer.

1. They seek to be their authentic self.
One of the top reasons men come to gentlemen's club is because they can be their authentic self. What do I mean by that? Many men have many hidden desires and fantasies such as threesomes, experiences with another woman, and fetishes of all sorts. Deep down inside, they want to reveal these things to their companion, but they are afraid of their response. A man's number one fear is rejection. I have learned from talking to several men in many private sessions that they are afraid to express their true desires because they feel they will be judged. In return they would rather come to the gentleman clubs and pay for services because they feel more comfortable. Why do they feel more comfortable? Men feel more comfortable because they feel like they can let their guard down. Because we are already in a sexual atmosphere, they feel that they can express their innate needs without them feeling guilty and ashamed.

For example, some men at home want to be more creative in the bedroom, but their wives are too conservative and just simple in the bedroom. Deep down they love their wives, but because she may be too set in her ways or it may conflict with her values or moral beliefs, she may not be willing to explore. As a result men come to the gentleman's club to get there needs met in a safe place. We live in a world that condemns you if you want to explore your sexuality.

Society puts labels on you when you make the choice to really embrace every aspect of your sexual self. For years we have been sexually repressed. It now makes sence why the divorce rate is so high and why there are so many "down low" men and women. As women, we must provide an open and safe space for our men to be their sexual authentic selves. Make your man comfortable and ask him what his deep desires are? What are his fantasies? Also ask yourself if you can handle that and are you willing to explore his desires him? Define what your sexual deal breakers are. Many people get married and never ask these questions. No wonder why infidelity is at an all time high! The goal is to create authenticity and self disclosure within a relationship. One thing that I have learned is that you can't control a man. The best thing is to understand his deep desires and ask yourself can you handle that.

2. They love a freaky woman.
Ladies, if you are too conservative in the bedroom, it is time to step your game up. Men love a freaky woman. Men love dirty talk and lingerie; that is a perfect combo. Ladies, men really do want a lady in the streets and freak in the sheets. Sex is a man's play ground. It is a fun and creative way for him to release, especially if his work and family demands most of his time. A lot of business men come into the gentleman's club. The number one thing that I see is that they are stressed from work and family obligations. When they get home, they want a good blow job and some great raunchy sex to take their mind off of the pressures that they face daily. If you have been married for quite some time, I encourage you to find some innovative ways to keep the spice going. Send nude pictures to your spouse. Sexting does wonders! Oh, the power of words! Ladies — don't be afraid to touch yourself sensually in front of your husband or companion. Be spontaneous and have sex in the car.

Women — try not to put labels and stigmas when it comes to being freaky. Have fun and explore. From my personal experience as an exotic dancer, I assure you that they love it. Men love for you to dance for them. Exotic dance is a foreplay and aphrodisiac. It gets a man's mind flowing and allows his sexual imagination to start flowing. Men live for the visual! Ask your man what turns him on because each one is different. Some men like their nipples pinched and sucked; some men love to hear the soothing tranquil sound of a woman's moan; some men love long legs with a short skirt, some men love big breasts; some men love a juicy boot; some men love to be dominated, especially if they are in a position of power. They get tired of making choices all day and just want to experience what it feels like to be submissive. It's a turn on! Women's sexuality runs deep, but it's a very important part of our lives. We are sexual beings. Why do you think the sex industry is a billion dollar industry? Allow your inner freak to come out and play. She needs fun, too! Embrace every aspect of yourself. It's nothing wrong with being freaky. Shed the guilt and change your perspective.

3. Most men desire another woman
 I know that this one is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to accept it. I am not saying every man, but most of them have fantasies of being with another woman or want to include another woman in the bedroom. I truly believe that men were born to be polyandrous. Men are hunters and were created to reproduce. In the indigenous times, men had many wives for the purpose of reproduction and to keep the villages strong.

It's in a man's DNA to have an attraction to another woman. I believe it's in the blood line that was passed down from our ancestors. For example, in the Bible, the kings had wives and concubines. In the Islam and African tradition, the man can have more than one wife if he can afford it. Also, in the slavery era when the slave master had a wife, he impregnated many of his black slaves. Let's face it! It's in the blood! Why make him feel guilty for it? As women we have been taught to nag a man. Trust me ladies - That does nothing. I have tried it and it has gotten me nowhere. I have noticed when I give men that I date freedom, they want me more because of my confidence. It does not make you weak or less of a woman. It makes you strong because you know that deep within, you can only seek to understand your man's deep desires. You know in your heart that you can't control a grown man. I think we need more of an evolved perspective. I truly believe that behind every great man is a great and powerful woman!

For example, from JFK's curvy alleged paramour, Marilyn Monroe, to the intellectual Pamela Harrison who ended up as U.S. Ambassador to France, to Onassis’s fiery opera diva Callas to the feisty Ann Boleyn, famously beheaded. Naturally we want to be selfish, but I think it more selfish to rob your man of an experience that may be beneficial for his growth. A man can't fully become a man with just one woman. Another woman may have other strengths and gifts that will assist him in becoming a better man for you. I know this may be hard to conceive, but have you looked at the divorce rate lately? I believe the more you try to tie a man down, the more he will rebel and do his own thing. It does not mean that your man does not love you. Who created the reality that a man can love only one woman? I believe that there are some people that you have natural chemistry with. 

Instead of holding your man down with a leash, allow him to open up and explore. In a safe manner, of course. I've heard from men that when a woman allows him the space to be himself, he feels more of a connection to her. Why? Because she is not forcing him to be something that he is not.    You are either going to share the experience together like most couples or he will find time to fulfill his desire with another woman in secret. I do believe that religion and society has tried to portray what a true marriage should look like out of fear and control. I think that the image has been tainted and we need a new model. Why do I say that? In my experience I see more couples come into the gentleman's now. Why?

  1. To keep the spice going.
  2. A man has expressed his desire for another woman or she has an interest, too.
  3. They want their relationship to evolve and they want to share their sexual journey together instead of creating infidelity. 

Couples want to grow together, not apart and it's possible! Once you allow your man the freedom to be himeself, he will want to be himself with you. Doesn't that sound like a happy marriage?