Flirting 101 - The Art of Connecting


How to bring your "A" game; good flirting can be mind altering and life changing.

Why are so many of us confused and intimidated when it comes to flirting?

There is an art to flirting and a level of skill that can be amassed over time. Just like art, good flirting can be mind altering and life changing, but if we take things too seriously, the artfulness is lost – the joy and beauty get sucked out of it. Flirting is a lifelong skill that is useful whether you are 18 or 80, married or happily single, looking for love or in a long term relationship. Flirting injects life into just about any interaction. Have no fear, I’m here to give you a simple formula for basic flirting; the kind of flirting you can use in any casual setting with anyone.


Give your attention fully; make them feel like the most important person in the room (at least for the moment). This means listening attentively with genuine interest, asking questions and sharing relevant personal experiences. Don’t forget to smile.


Notice something unique about them that is pleasing to you. Show your admiration in conversation or with an appreciative glance. Remember to smile.


Be affectionate with an appropriate touch either gentle or firm, a sweep of your gaze, genuine eye contact (not a creepy stare), or a kind, loving word. Try any combination of these to pile on the affection. An affectionate smile works here too!

Let’s put it all together now!

You notice someone that you would like to spend time with (smile)… give them your attention in whatever way is comfortable for you and appropriate to the setting, then see how they respond. If they are open to the attention, offer your appreciation (delivered with a smile). If they are receptive to your appreciation, go ahead and grace them with your affection. Then remain present and open for the energy between you to continue to flow (in other words… Lather, Rinse, Repeat). Oh yeah, did I mention, smile.

This formula for flirting works with everyone to open a comfortable flow of communication and mutual interest. Flirting this way isn’t sexual. I have been with my husband for over 20 years and I’m very flirtatious by nature, not just with my husband, but with my children and other family members, girl and guy friends, business associates (in a casual setting), my server at a restaurant and even the person at the grocery store checkout counter. If you are flirting in a non-sexual context (great way to practice), keep it playful to encourage fun, innocuous interaction which puts people in an open receptive state of mind.

Add intensity for more intimate flirting

If you are interested in exploring more intimate relations with someone, the exact same formula applies. When the energy starts to flow between you, you can bump it up a notch by being playfully suggestive, leading to incorporating a bit of sensuality and dark, sexual energy to the experience.

If you are single and seeking, the beauty of flirting in this context is it can help you discern whether there is just great chemistry between you, or if you can take it beyond that to even more meaningful interaction. When you are in a relationship, flirting is an essential tool for maintaining variety and deepening passion for each other. So practice often and have tons of fun with it!

Live with heart,