Love, Heartbreak

I'm Giving Up On You: Leaving For Good

Abusive Relationships: When To Breakup & Leave For Good

How do you know when you're in a bad relationship?

  • You feel like you're suffocating.
  • You feel more lonely when you're with him than you do when you're alone.
  • He is possessive of you in an unhealthy way.
  • He doesn't celebrate your accomplishments, but would rather one-up you instead.
  • He puts you down when you're with other people and makes you feel like an idiot.
  • You're afraid that he will get mad at you when you talk to or hang out with your friends, so you feel like you have to lie.
  • He checks your phone because he is convinced that you are cheating — but you aren't.
  • He is physically or emotionally abusive.
  • You don't like who you are when you're with him.
  • You can't remember the last time you smiled.

Before going cold turkey:

But before you just cut it off (by the way, this is how you will have to end it), think long and hard about this decision. Consider:

  • Is there anything that you can do differently?
  • Can you break the pattern?
  • Can you change the habits?
  • Can you make a midcourse correction?
  • Are you really broken? Or just bent?
  • Stop for a second and put yourself in his shoes.
  • Be empathetic. Try to understand where he is coming from.
  • Is there any way, any chance that you instigated the downward spiral?
  • Remove the emotions and think rationally.
  • Communicate in a non-confrontational, non-emotional tone that shows your commitment to figuring out how to stop and fix the problem.

Can't get out of the spiral on your own?

Step out of your relationship and seek a third party opinion. Contact a therapist and explore couples counseling.

Nothing? It's not working?

It's time to be honest with yourself. Brutally. Come clean. Is this relationship serving you? Does it have the capacity to make you happy if it continues to move in the direction it's going? Get real. Get raw. Get vulnerable. And if you have to, get out.

You deserve to be happy. And you will be if you fix the relationship at its root. If you can't, then you need to move on and, eventually, you will find someone who you love and who loves you.