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Here's how to make sure you and your partner stay faithful.
By Laura Blundo
Last updated on Jan 29, 2024
Everyone is susceptible to an affair and it can happen to any one of us if we're not paying attention. But, you (not your partner) can safeguard your relationship from a tryst, entanglement, emotional, or physical affair.
You can learn how to save a marriage from potential infidelity.
Few affairs are intentional and, in fact, most take someone completely by surprise.
So you're married or in a committed relationship. Things are 'okay' or maybe 'not so great'. It's not so bad that you feel the need to do something about it, like work with a coach or therapist. Maybe you think you're fine, you're tough, and you can handle it.
If this sounds familiar, pay attention because an affair can happen to you.
It happened just like that to me. I was the person who stepped out in my first marriage and I see it again and again and again.
When we shut ourselves down, detach, and fail to honor what our hearts and minds are telling us, we are disconnecting. Instead of looking under the hood, we keep driving, not taking it for maintenance.
What started as needing a 'little oil' now needs a full-blown engine overhaul. And while all that was happening, someone else appeared to have the right parts for what was broken.
When we ignore that something is going wrong, it paves the way for someone to enter into our lives to show us just exactly how wrong it is and "turn on" what we're missing. When the switch is flipped, it takes nearly superhuman strength to turn away.
Let's face it, it's the perfect storm and we didn't even know it was brewing.
What can you do to safeguard yourself and your relationship from harm's way or the need to be superhuman?
The current Generation Z or Millennials may disagree with me, but hear me out. Opposite friendships and work relationships can be the wellspring for affairs.
It's innocent to start with and may remain that way for some time. A casual conversation about politics, the weather, or maybe it's after-hours projects followed by drinks. As friendships develop a deeper emotional connection, it's normal to share more intimate details about our lives.
You begin sharing how unhappy you are or what a pain your partner was being. Genuine empathy builds and an emotional bond and attachment occur.
Whether it's emotional or physical, whenever there is energy going outside your relationship it's considered an affair. We are hard-wired for connection, both emotional and physical.
We want connection. We need a connection. It's a basic human need. The problem is we need to work on the connection with our partner, not the person we're commiserating with.
The best thing you can do is to fix the roof before it's leaking.
If you're unsettled in your relationship, find a coach or therapist and ask your partner to work on it with you. Resentments build mountains over time, and those mountains are rough terrain. It's hard to be vulnerable, to say you need, or want help, but it's so worth it.
Is there an area or areas in your partnership that need some work? Talk to your partner about where you would need to make some changes.
Have you found yourself sharing with someone other than the person who can make the actual change? Pay attention to whom you are sharing with, be honest with your butterflies or girlish giggle when you're hanging out with a person. What can you do to bring it back home?
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Laura Blundo is a relationship, life, and trauma coach who helps her clients change their lives for the better.