Ask Kim: "Where Can I Find Men?"


Where can I find men?!

Question: I’ve been divorced for a couple of years now and I’m ready to start dating. My big problem is where to find men? I’m in my 40’s and don’t want to go to single’s events and the bar scene isn’t my thing– any suggestions? Linda D.

Answer: Linda, I chose your question out of all the other submissions because it’s something I’m asked on a seemingly weekly basis. In our 20’s, we have a huge network of friends and an endless abundance of energy, invitations and opportunities to be social.

Once we start to enter the 40 + range, social networks tend to shrink as we discover the value of having fewer friends that meaningful relationships. Not to mention we can’t stay up all night, still function AND look fabulous, right?

Thus, the dilemma of being a single woman in her 40’s – your options may look limited, but it’s nothing that an open mind and a little creativity can’t fix.

So, here are my 4 suggestions to support you with easily re-entering the dating scene with ease, grace and FUN:

# 1 Exercise

As much as I respect female-only gyms, they are not necessarily the best way to meet men. Yes, you could meet a woman who has a cute single brother but if you are going to exercise, may as well maximize your chances of meeting a great guy on your own. Be conscious of the times you are going to the gym – try both in the morning before work and at 5:00.

See where you find the most men you are attracted to and stick with that time slot. Opportunities for conversation will happen after repeat exposure. Create these opportunities by going to the gym when the men go – NOT the noon aerobic classes. Once you make repeated eye contact with a guy, saddle up to the water fountain, you may just see him following you there.

Drop in to some running groups. Don’t commit solely to one but pop in on a few over the course of a month to check them out. Return to the ones with the most men.

-do a search online in your area for “outdoor singles groups” to see what comes up.

# 2 At Work

My view on this is as long as they are not in the same chain of command, you should be open to meeting a guy at work. Some women have huge resistance to this but really, if there is someone at work who you really get along with and love being around, why create needless boundaries around these opportunities? As I say, as long as you don’t necessarily report to him or he doesn’t report to you, than meeting someone at the office can work.

# 3 Shopping

It is going to do nothing for your love life if you are always grocery shopping during the day or Sunday afternoons. Single men want to avoid crowds and have a somewhat flexible schedule so you want to go right after work on a Monday-Thursday. Save your Saturday or Sunday shopping for places like Home Depot or a local computer or electronics store. Seriously, go there to get your light bulbs and garbage bags if you don’t need anything else.

# 4 Dining Out

Try to mix it up if you have been going to the same places over and over. Every city has places crawling with single men at lunchtime in the downtown core. Do some research in your area and ask yourself if you are dining with more females or males. If your lunch routine is to go to the food court, don’t hide yourself in the corner and talk on your cell phone – be out in the open where you can actually be approached by men.

The most important thing to remember is to be OPEN. Women have a tendency to be closed off when they’re alone in public. I understand issues of safety can come up. But, the world as a whole is a pretty safe place to live – despite what the news and endless stream of crime dramas would have you believe.

Linda, the tips here are actually 4 of the 47 tips and suggestions I share in a great CD set I created with another top dating coach Dating Made Easy: 47 Secrets to WOW the Next Guy You Date We created it specifically for women like you who are new to dating and need some extra support – highly recommend it!

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