Ask Kim: “Ask for what you want in the bedroom”


I have met a wonderful man but the sex isn’t great and I am wondering how do I approach or discuss

Question: "I have met a wonderful man but the sex isn’t great and I am wondering how do I approach or discuss it with him without making him feel inadequate and get my own needs met?” – R.G., Calgary AB

Answer: Appreciate you writing in A.G with this very important and sensitive question. Matters of the heart are tricky enough, add sex into the mix and it can easily become a minefield.

Most often, sex doesn’t “feel great” to women because they would rather put up with unsatisfying sex then face having an awkward conversation about it. It’s embarrassing and many women in your position don’t know how to ask for what they want without smushing a man’s delicate ego. The great news is men are dying to make you happy in ALL ways – in and outside of the bedroom.

Men don’t mind being told what to do (in a loving way) because their whole world revolves around how to WIN with you. The bedroom is simply another room in the house where they have an opportunity to please you and make you happy.

Because men are such adorably logical creatures, the clearer the instructions and more specifics they have, the better it is for them. They don’t want to have to guess what makes you happy – they want a list!

So, armed with some instructions and a fun attitude, the possibilities for your pleasure are endless!

Here are 3 easy steps to ask for what you want in the bedroom:

Step 1:  Let him know either before you begin or while your making love what is already feeling good for you. Do this verbally. This gets his attention and makes him feel like he’s already winning with you.

Step 2: Guide him through words or gestures closer to the direction that feels even more exciting for you. You can even say “Mmmm, that feels goooood, I’d like it even more a little to the left”.

Step 3:  When he hits your “sweet spot”, tell him right away he’s got it. Really amp up the appreciation here (which should be easy, yes?!) so he knows he’s nailed it. He’ll remember for next time and know to go directly to that “spot”.

I”m SO proud of you A.G. for asking this question and going for your pleasure like this. I always tell my students to be a Piggy for Their Pleasure and clearly you are – you go girl!

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.