As a person who has been in an interracial relationship, I was so encouraged to see the newest Cheerios commercial star a Caucasian mother, an African American father and their adorable biracial little girl. When the media begins to depict different types of families, the public may be exposed to difference in a way they wouldn't otherwise and exposure can promote acceptance. I believe it might open up a conversation about difference that could aid in understanding and it might sway public opinion so people who are in unconventional relationships don't have to cope with so much judgement. Unfortunately, that's not how some people saw it. In fact, the comment section on YouTube for this commercial had to be disabled due to the racist comments that were being made. I did not see the comments prior to them be taken down, but I have seen other comments on other videos not posted by Cheerios. I was encouraged and disappointed at the same time to see some comments against black men being involved with white women, but the majority of the backlash I saw came from people who were against making this a racial issue. Many people were taking the position that judging this marriage was wrong. That was the encouraging part. (Get your free Relationships from the InsideOut Tip Sheet .) Keep reading... More marriage advice from YourTango: The 5 Worst Bits Of Marriage Advice We Happily Ignore A Glimpse Into Marriage Advice From The 1950's Marriage: Tips & Expert Advice The discouraging part is that those who were in favor of the commercial left comments attacking those who were offended based on racial issues. The "racist" label was thrown around and it is my position that just as we are asking for people not to judge our opinions of interracial couples , so must we extend the same courtesy to people who think differently. Responding to hateful comments with more hateful comments will only continue to polarize these positions. I believe seeking understanding is the way to go. You cannot help whom you are attracted to. However, what you do with that attraction is a choice. Behavior is always a choice. (See Secrets of Happy Couples .) You can be attracted to someone and decide not to pursue that relationship for whatever reason ... maybe one of you is married; maybe the person used to be in a relationship with your best friend; maybe based on your early teachings, you believe a relationship with that person would be wrong. You make a choice. But why would a person who is attracted to someone from a different ethnic group need to say "no" to a relationship simply based on that? As different ethnic group mix together in the workplace, greater and greater opportunity exists for indiviuals to fall in love due simply to exposure that hasn't always been present. I can speak from my own experience when I say that the man I fell in love with, who loves me back, and I did not set out to be a couple. We got to know each other through a mutual friend and discovered all the many things we had in common. We do similar work; we share a love of reading and self-growth; we have similar intellects and spiritual belifs; and we are both musicians. We both grew up in the country — he was from the south, I was from the north — but country values prevail despite the location. One of our main differences is the color of our skin. Keep reading... Does skin color really matter? There may be cultural differences that skin color can bring. There might be differences in customs and habits; early childhood messages and lifelong experiences can definitely create differences in beliefs and values; and families and friends may all have their opinions about the relationship. Many may be supportive. Some might say it's fine as long as the couple doesn't have kids. And still, others really have a problem with it due largely to prejudice and racism on both sides. As in the commercial, not every black man who marries a white woman is selling out his race. Sometimes, it really is just about the woman he loves regardless of the skin color. Loving a white woman doesn't mean the next relationship won't be with a black woman. Like Dr. Martin Luther King, I have a dream. My dream is that one day people will be free enough and society will be accepting enough that people can love and be with whomever they choose. Others are entitled to their opinions about what they would or would not accept into their life, but in my dream, they understand those are their own parameters that are totally correct for them. But when it comes to setting up parameters for other people's relationships, those same people recognize that is not their responsibility and extend to those people the same consideration they claim for themselves — the right to love the person who brings joy into their life. To stay in touch with Kim, sign up for her free newsletter .
