5 Lessons For Women 50 Shades Of Grey Didn’t Teach You

5 Lessons For Women 50 Shades Of Grey Didn’t Teach You

3. Do not wait for your man to teach you about your own body. In 50 Shades of Grey, Christian had to teach Anastasia about her own body since she was a virgin. As a woman, bring a sexual understanding of what you like and don’t like into a relationship. Know your own body and teach your man how to please you in a sexy way. Do not order him around like a drill sergeant--“Do this. Do that. Don’t do this,” etc. Guide him gently. Tell him you like something he does, when you do. Every woman is different in her sexual responses. Don’t make your man guess. Know what you like and show him how to please you.

4. Don’t expect him to always read between your lines. Women tend to be rather indirect, and somewhat coy, in their communications with men. We “hint” at what we want and become frustrated or angry when our man doesn’t read between the lines to get at what we really mean. We say OK, when we really would rather not. We won’t tell him what we want to do on a date, expecting him to just know what would make us happy. We tell him not to get us anything for our birthday and are hurt when he doesn't.

We also tend to do the reverse also. When a man tells us directly what he wants, we try to read between his lines but he doesn’t have lines. Men are direct communicators. They typically say exactly what they mean. You don’t have to interpret their meaning. If women would be become more direct in their communication, then there would be far less hurt feelings on her part and less confusion on his. 

5. Know yourself and be honest. Stop trying to be the person you think your man wants you to be. Because women are so relationship oriented, we are often guilty of anticipating the type of woman our man wants and then trying to become that person. If our guy is into sports, we might enthusiastically go to a ball game, when in reality we are bored to death. This can be very effective at “getting” the guy in the short term but the problem with this tactic is that we cannot maintain this manufactured persona over the long haul. We can’t help but revert back to the person we naturally are and our man wonders what happened to the fun girl he dated.

When you are between relationships is a good time to take inventory of who you really are—your likes and your dislikes. Once you know, be willing to communicate that consistently to the man in your life. He shouldn’t be surprised to find you were pretending to be someone else. This doesn’t mean you won’t try new things to see if you like them but be honest about who you are. This way you will naturally attract the men who will appreciate you and you can be yourself. 

One of the biggest problems between men and women in relationships is we don’t understand the motives behind our behaviors and when our feelings get hurt, we often assign negative motives to each other when that is not what was intended. If we can come to each other with curiosity about why we do the things we do instead of with critical judgments, then we will be able to deepen and strengthen our relationships rather than tearing them apart.

If you'd like to hear more from Kim Olver, please visite her at The Relationship Center and sign up for her newsletter.

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