Matters of the heart and sexual relationships


I can’t bear the thought of anyone touching me ... My replies to questions I am asked

I’ve been on my own for a while and I would like a relationship. Whenever I think about dating I go cold, as I can’t bear the thought of anyone touching me……..

We all have questions whatever our age when it comes to matters of the heart and sexual relationships. When we were younger it seemed easier to ask for advice but with the increasing years we believe that as experienced individuals we should know the answers.  Of course that isn’t true and we need to get better at asking.

I will be answering three questions that I am often asked.  The first today,  and I will follow with the other two questions and my answers later this week.

1.   I’ve been on my own for a while and I would like a relationship. Whenever I think about dating I go cold, as I can’t bear the thought of anyone touching me, even a hug gives me shivers, and taking my clothes off…. I dread looking in the mirror and seeing myself. I don’t look like I used to and I know these feelings are stopping me meeting someone.

It’s easy, as we get older to hanker after a time in our life when we imagined we looked effortlessly lovely!  As you know, by looking back at old photographs, this is almost certainly not the case.  So, forget about the past and concentrate on the world as it is, not as it was. Accentuating the positive is the only course of action not only to make you happier but healthier, too.

For a start, it can be surprisingly cheering to remember all the ‘firsts’ you’ll never have to go through again. Just imagine never having to sit for all those exams, taking your driving test, getting drunk or even having your first period. Thank goodness all that’s behind you! Of course, there are undeniably moments we all wish we could experience again like meeting our first love, giving birth to our first child or going abroad for the first time.

If it’s true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the first beholder who needs to see you as beautiful is yourself.  Once you can do that, then you’re no longer dependent on others to make you feel good. And you CAN do it for yourself. You CAN be as beautiful as you feel.

The magic of this is that, as soon as you see yourself as beautiful, so do others. It’s infectious and has nothing to do with how you look in relation to any perceived stereotype. We also often foolishly compare ourselves with others but, as each person is unique, comparisons are as futile as they are irrelevant.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror and focus on all your good points. Start with the physical ones and make list e.g. good ankles, nice teeth etc. Now make a list of your qualities e.g. good listener, good sense of humour. Once you have your lists read them three times a day to yourself and focus your attention on these positive attributes throughout the day.

You’ll be surprised how quickly you begin to feel positive about yourself and you’ll be back dating in no time.

The next two questions I shall be answering are:

1.  …..I have just started dating again. I’ve had several short relationships and I didn’t think about safe sex; ………


2.  ….I’ve fallen in love again. After my wife died two years ago, I never thought it would happen again but it has……..


You can read these questions with my replies in my next article on Yourtango.