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Stop being afraid to move forward in life.
By Kelly Chisholm — Written on Jul 26, 2019
We've all heard the phrase "I'm in limbo," but what exactly does it mean? "Limbo" is frequently used to describe a temporary state, a lack of movement either forwards or backwards in life or relationships. One thing is certain: being in limbo is uncomfortable.
We can feel like we are in limbo for many reasons: life transitions, family issues, the instability of a relationship. As humans, we prosper with a certain degree of routine and structure, so being in limbo is an unnatural state of being.
We need direction, goals, and action to feel that our lives have meaning and that we are moving forward, but what can we do if the decision of "what happens next?" resides with someone or something else?
Our internal guidance system wants to resist the lack of movement by trying to force ourselves out of the state, usually by making impulsive decisions or thoughtless actions. Of course, this usually ends up making things worse.
One of the worst things about being in limbo and feeling stuck is fear — fear of the future, fear of the unknown and fear of outcomes can immobilize our thoughts and actions. This can cause depression, stress and anxiety.
Fear is that constant voice in our heads that keeps us from taking risks that might enrich our life or hold us back from doing things we need to do. Want to experience something new and exciting or accomplish something really great? Fear says, "No, you can't."
Another discomfort from being in limbo is the feeling of losing control. Great leaders are admired for their serenity and confidence in the face of uncertainty. When we are in limbo, it can feel like serenity is far from our reach.
Instead, our emotions are close to the surface and can flare up at the slightest opportunity. Whether you lash out, cry, or pound on your desk, it's uncomfortable to feel out of control.
So how can we feel better about being in limbo? Here are some tips to keep things in control and less fearful.
1. Gather information.
Information is power and knowledge. When you find out about what options and choices you have, you replace fear with knowledge.
2. Talk about your fears.
Keeping your fears bottled up inside magnifies them. Taking them out (and talking them out) can shrink them. Find a good therapist; they won't disregard your fears or make judgments.
3. Talk to yourself.
Self-talk filled with positive messages can change fear energy into positive energy. Eliminate the negative from your self-talk vocabulary.
4. Chunk it down.
Keep your mind on the small things, not the big picture. This stops you from feeling overwhelmed and recognize the smaller things you can change. This result is a feeling of being more in control.
5. Expand your comfort zone.
Take a small risk each day. Make one phone call, ask for one thing you want, go to one new place. Little by little your confidence will expand.
6. Accept the limbo.
Don't push against the inevitable. Limbo eventually brings change and different opportunities. It can lead the way to the next step in our lives, bringing us closer to our goals. Even if we resist the change, it may still result in personal growth, so it can still be a learning experience.
7. Be proactive.
Prepare the best you can for the changes that might come, but then accept the reality of the moment. Think back to other challenges you've come through and remind yourself that everything will work out ok.
Above all, know that limbo is a temporary state. Use the time wisely for reflection, reevaluation, and renewal.
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Kelly Chisholm is the Owner and Clinical Director of Albuquerque Family Counseling LLC, a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC), a Certified Relationship Specialist (CRS), and a Financial Therapist and Money Coach.
This article was originally published at Albuquerque Family Counseling. Reprinted with permission from the author.