Why Facebook Keeps Us Stuck In The Past

Love, Self

Before the age of social media, it was much easier to move on from a break up. Time to re-center.

Facebook has been around for 10 years. It surely has changed the dynamics of relationships. You meet a great guy, you start posting pictures, you change your relationship status, and everyone you're virtually connected with has an inside peek at your love life.

It is exciting and you want to share. But, what happens when it ends? Any change you make on Facebook shows up on your feed. Everyone knows. What do you do with all the pictures you posted? Who changes statuses first? Do you unfriend them? Or block them?

A client of mine ended a relationship, but remained friends on Facebook. She was able to keep up with what was going on in his life—more like cyber stalking him (but, who hasn't done that?!)

The problem is that it was causing her more damage than good. She watched as he posted pictures of his new girlfriend. Pictures of my client were still there too. She had regrets about ending the relationship and moving through his page just made things feel worse. She imagined the new relationship he was having and what she may have missed out on. She saw him moving on and happy and wondered if she really gave it enough of a chance. She felt this new girl wasn't a fit and faintly hoped they could give it another chance.

The truth though? She had no idea what was going on in his new relationship. People don't post pictures of their fights, lonely nights, and disappointments. Social media is a format to create any personality and feeling you wish to convey to whoever may be watching.

All the stories she made up in her head only caused her to feel bad about and for herself. How could she move on and create space for a new relationship when she kept an eye on the old one?  Before Facebook you broke up, cried your eyes out, ate some ice cream, received counsel from friends, and then moved on. You didn't know what was going on in their lives. Sure, you may have had stories going on in your mind, but it was much easier to focus on you when there wasn't a portal to your ex's life.

Here is what I suggest for Facebook (and other social media connections) after a breakup:
• Unfriend and block them—you don't need to see what is going on and they don't need to have the privelage to see what is going on with you.
• Delete the pictures—get them off your page. Okay, keep some on your computer in a separate file (until you're ready for complete delete).
• Stop creating stories in your mind. You truly can't know what is going on with someone else. Stories create worries.
• Don't compare yourself or your past relationship to anyone else's. Just stop it!
• Keep your attention and focus on you. How do you want to feel? What do you want to create in your life?
• Get away from the computer, and get out into the world and enjoy life! That is where and how you'll attract the perfect relationship for you.

With the enticement of instant access to your ex right at your finger tips, I know how hard this can be to cut yourself off from access to their world.  But, it is for the benefit of your own mind and heart. Watching and peeking only causes you stress. Stop the stressors and take your power back.  Moving on will be much easier. I promise you.

More breakup advice from YourTango:

As an Intuitive Love Coach I help my clients heal their broken hearts and past pains. They break the patterns and cycles that continue to attract the same type of relationships over and over again. The relationship you desire, the one that you feel in your heart but feels impossible? It is possible.  I invite you to explore more about how my healing programs and sessions can support you in fulfilling the love and life you desire.