How your attachment style affects your chance at Real Love!


Knowing your partner's attachment style can determine how serious they are at a real relationship.

Over the weekend, millions of you had "the talk" with that guy or that girl.  You wanted to know where is this relationship going? Up until this momentous event, you've had a few casual dates with other individuals that are now on the sidelines. You just spent time together during the Super Bowl of relationships, Valentine's Day and now feel it's time to move this relationship to a more substantial level.

Why is knowing their attachment style important this weekend?

When you have reached a certain point in your dating cycle with someone, it's a good time to assess where a relationship is going. Knowing your partner's attachment style will give you surprising insight into how they really feel about you, and will change the way you perceive the people you meet.

When your relationship starts to get more serious, you will begin to ask a more internal question for yourself. Instead of asking, "Does he or she like me" you will ask "Is this someone I should invest in emotionally? Is he or she capable of giving me what I need?

When relationships become more serious, it should be about making active choices as opposed to floating along until circumstances help it rise to the top, or sink.

Knowing a partner's attachment style answers some of those internal questions that keep you up at night. Knowing his/her style will help you determine:

Is this person capable of intimacy?
Is he/she sending mixed messages or is he/she generally interested in being close?
Fine tune your ability to determine someone's attachment style early on, to avoid wasting time with relationships that are limiting.

The three attachment styles are anxious, avoidant and secure. As you go along, here are some of the questions that you need to think about before you can determine if your relationship will reach the next level.

If your partner is avoidant, he/she will feel a serious relationship will reduce their sense of independence. He/she will show these characteristics.

He/She will send mixed signals on how serious they feel.
He/She will devalue you (or previous partners) even in a joking way.
He/She will have an unrealistic view of how the relationship should be.
He/She will have difficulty talking about what's going on between you.

If your partner's anxious he/she will constantly think about the relationship and will be worried that you will not match their intensity level. He/She will show these characteristics.

He/She will want a lot of closeness in the relationship.
He/She will express insecurities --will worry about rejection
He/She will act out ---instead of trying to resolve the problem between you
He/She will let you set the tone of the relationship so as to not to get hurt.

He/She will be suspicious that you may be unfaithful 

If your partner's secure he/she will have a balanced view about the relationship. He/She will be high on these characteristics

He/She will make decisions with you.
He/She will communicate relationship issues well.
He/She will not be afraid of commitment or dependency
He/She will naturally express feelings for you.
He/She won't play relationship games.

Once you understand your partner's style and if those characteristics match up with what you are seeing on a daily basis, you can determine course of action to reach the relationship level you desire..

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.