Things You Absolutely Must Talk About Before Marriage

What You Must Talk About Before Marriage
Love, Self

Love is blind, and that’s a fact. So before saying “yes” to a life-long partnership, there are seven points which must be discussed to assure a smooth and enjoyable voyage. It sounds business-like, I know, but think about it: Like any partnership, marriage can be viewed as a love enterprise.

Each of us has a unique set of beliefs, core values and moral standards that make us different from one another. Often we can compromise—we can change our minds about some of those standards to show respect for our partner. But there are some core values that are set in stone and are simply not negotiable.

So while dating and getting serious, it’s a good idea to open up to each other and discuss the life issues that are really crucial to you. I know that sometimes we may feel awkward and insecure when it comes to this kind of vulnerability, but in this case, it’s totally appropriate and necessary. Besides, it’s good to get to know yourself on a deeper level before committing to someone else. Right? 

So here are seven things to bring up in conversation with your potential life partner, and when you do, ask yourself: Can I compromise on this topic, or will this never work? After all, you are an equal in this partnership, so you should feel comfortable and like ‘yourself’ at all times!

1. Religion

Are you religious or spiritual, traditional or new age? Does your partner have to follow your clergy? Will your families blend together easily if he or she doesn’t? Does your partner have to attend Saturday or Sunday services? Will that matter to you? All these are personal questions, and the answers lie in the depths of your heart. Whatever they are, honor them. 

2. Politics

During the past several years many marriages have faltered, triggered by the political climate in the country. In a perfect world, people would accept and respect each other’s points of view on various topics, since there is no such thing as “one ideology fits all.” However, in the real world, when core beliefs clash, families fall apart. So talk to your partner about your views on politics, taxes and abortion. Listen to his or her views and then decide if you can compromise and accept each other’s differences — or not. 

3. Children

Do you want kids? Does your partner? How many? How will you raise them? In which faith? Though it may not be possible to have all the answers right now, there are some general points to consider and ideas to brainstorm! 

4. Parents and family

Do you feel obligated to take care of your aging parents or have them live with you, or pay for your jobless sibling? What if your partner is totally against it? Will that work for you? 

5. Finances

Do you want to own a home, travel, and have a comfortable life? What if your partner doesn’t need any of that—maybe he or she is totally fine with just renting. Can you be okay with that? The point is, are you moving in the same life direction?

6. Sex life

Monogamy or open relationship? There’s no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to sexual behavior—it can be a matter of genetic coding and neurological wiring. But it’s important, when it comes to intimacy, that your needs match. 

7. Priorities and life purpose

Will you and your growing family be number one for your partner? Will he or she be committed to self-exploration and growth, so that your marriage deepens and evolves? Or will friends, extended family, or career always come first? Of course it’s healthy to have ambitions, hobbies, and an independent life, but for marriage to work, your partner’s commitments and priorities must be aligned with yours. 

The wedding day is the tiny block upon which an entire structure called marriage will be created.

Will it sustain all the tsunamis of life? Yes, when there is a deep connection, an eternal ‘click’ of core beliefs holding you and him together by some invisible thread of compatibility.

But don’t worry — even so, there will be plenty of differences, painful disappointments and nasty quarrels. That’s life, but all of it will only make your marriage stronger, solidifying you in unity.

So don’t hesitate to do some soul searching about the things that matter to you most, and then address them with your partner.

And while listening to him or her without judgment, decide if this is something you can live with, or if you need to take a full gulp of courage topped with patience and wait for the True One to arrive. 

Katherine holds a Doctor of Philosophy in Natural Health studies, specializing in Integrative Mental Healthand Medical Hypnosis.Inspired by the spiritual aspect of hypnosis, she wrote Tales of My Large, Loud, Spiritual Family, a book where she explores how to find peace, purpose and healing in the chaos of daily life.

In 2004, Katherine opened her practice in Newport Beach, CA where she’s been helping people with various mental, emotional and physical challenges, assisting her clients to transform their mindset so they can create a life they enjoy living. 

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