He’s Ruining Everything!


When a man asks the question, “Is this all there is?”, somewhere between 35 and 55.

When a man asks the question, “Is this all there is?”, somewhere between 35 and 55, they often go into what is referred to as Midlife Crisis. It is a serious time in their lives because it is the peak time (other than during the teen years) when they are most likely to commit suicide, to ruin their marriage, their family, their finances, abuse drugs or alcohol, etc. So it is not to be taken lightly.
But, that doesn’t mean you should take any kind of abuse. You need to focus on taking care of yourself, and not take what he’s doing personally because it isn’t about you. It’s about him, trying to come into rapport to how his life is, at that moment in time. Most don’t have the skills to deal with that kind of question, which is why they seek pleasure, lost youth, thrills, etc. It’s simply a way to avoid the question that is haunting them.
So focus on you, take care of yourself, do things that help you grow, and try your best to just hold things together. DO NOT accuse him of having a midlife crisis, of being a child, or anything else because that will for sure push him away. Just do what you can to insulate yourself (and your finances) from the things he’s doing.
Hear this: “It isn’t about you.”
I know you want answers, but this is what I know about this very serious topic. I wrote a book on it, and right before it was ready to be published, my computers were stolen and I lost it. So I’ve put a lot of time and energy into understanding this fragile time in a man’s life.
It isn’t about you.

From my heart to yours,

 Kara Oh

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.