Can Separateness Create Togetherness?


Taking time out from your relationship for yourself creates a stronger "we" and "I". Learn more...

When you are in a relationship, it becomes easy to rely on the comfort of the partnership. Feeling connected to your significant other can create an illusion that your security and sense of comfort comes from the relationship, not from your “center.” When you’ve been in a long-term relationship this dynamic can become so engrained that being separated from your significant other will create unnecessary anxiety. If this is the case, you are at risk for being in a dysfunctional, dependent relationship that causes stagnation and toxicity.

Being a part of a “We” is a wonderful experience. Our connection with each other is the foundation of our humanity. However, if you give up any of your “I” in order to maintain the “We”, you are on your way to trouble.

Here’s what I suggest. Make sure you retain or create interests, time, and passions for yourself. Doing so will prevent you from losing yourself in the relationship. Taking time away from your significant other keeps you confident and secure in the fact that you can make your way in the world on your own. This only makes you more interesting. It enables you to replenish yourself independent of the relationship and keeps your relationship healthy and alive.

So, the question is “Do you want to keep your relationship full of vitality?” Then make sure you regularly take time off and reconnect with yourself.

In celebration of this sentiment, I’ve decided to take the next week and do just that for myself! Have a wonderful week. I will be back in touch after the Fourth of July holiday week—refreshed, energized, and ready to fully re-engage.

Be well,

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.