To Keep Our Marriage Alive, We Flirt With Other People!


Sometimes you have to spice things up a little bit!

Do married women get to flirt? Well this one does...

I flirt with men all the time. And my husband not only permits it, he actually encourages it. It's fun and then of course, it's good for business. Sometimes we go to the Pre-Dating speed dating events together, as we love to sponsor their singles events. Gil gets to meet the women and I get to meet the men — we're always recruiting, finding stellar candidates for our personal matchmaking clients. Gil actually might just be a better flirt than even I am, if that's possible. We've been flirting and schmoozing and gathering relationship oriented single people for oh...about 22 years now.

Gil and I were two single people who weren't loving the dating scene, and thus re-invented it proactively for ourselves. Gil found himself at the not-so-tender age of 44, wondering what happened, and decided to "get a life, get a wife" and in signing up with a dating agency, he ended up doing just that. I had no idea how badly I was dating, except that my results were giving me a hint (more like a shout) that my approach could use some tweaking.

In case you don't know the story, Gil owned a couple of dating agency franchises and he's the one who sold me my membership at his very own agency back in 1990 in St. Louis. I later flirted with him, asked him out and dragged him down the aisle before it had really sunk in for me that women weren't supposed to do it that way. But nevertheless, 22 years and a couple of gorgeous nearly grown boys later, we are in many ways happier together today than we've ever been.

Some secrets I've learned along the way:

(hint: if you practice these strategies while you're single and dating, you're much more likely to find your way into a loving relationship.)

  • Zip it. Speak up selectively, when it really matters. Let the little stuff go.
  • Practice appreciation. Notice what's beautiful, special, sweet, moving, and speak up about those things.
  • Say Thank You. And often. It's bigger than just being polite. Gratitude is an art well worth exploring and developing, as the act of being thankful actually raises consciousness for both people.
  • Know that happiness is an inside job, that it's not nearly as much a function of our circumstances as we think it is.
  • Turn toward each other. When life is hard, and it is often, for each one of us, find ways to ask for the love we need from those who are closest. Gil and I are learning to keep our hearts open even when it hurts, especially when it hurts.
  • Love is a verb. It's true. Love is not something that is handed to us, it's something we create together, moment by moment.

Let us know: You know some couples who are really good together, after decades. What do you admire about their relationship? Email me your stories and comments. Each of the matchmakers and dating coaches at Julie Ferman Associates is passionate about not only helping relationship-oriented single people find each other and connect with each other, but we love to see couples stay together for the long haul. Let us know what the happily together couples in your life are doing to keep their love fresh and alive. What's keeping your love flame ignited? We'd love to know.

Julie Ferman has been  a personal matchmaker and dating coach since 1990, with over 1100 marriages to her credit. Single men and women are welcome to register privately, for free, to be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals throughout the U.S., Canada and the world. Julie provides a full menu of personal matchmaking and dating coaching services, by invitation. Her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Visit her website at

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.