Don't Let Your Phone Kill Your Flirt

Love, Self

Put down that bright screen for a pair of human eyes.

Our communication devices, cell phones, are killing our flirting opportunities.

Single love seekers who flirt well have a distinct advantage. They get to meet, engage and connect with lots more people, dramatically increasing their chances of finding a keeper.

Today's peskiest flirting obstacle? Our cell phones and mobile devices, which constantly compete for eyeball attention. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is looking down all of the time.

We can't flirt without eye contact, can we? So let's stop doing that, shall we?

Flirting expert Susan Rabin defines flirting as "acting amorously without serious intent." One of the challenges I give to my dating coaching clients is to practice the art of flirting on a daily basis.

Where? Everywhere — at the dry cleaners, the car wash, the coffee shop — anywhere you are.

Flirting is as simple as catching the eye of the cute guy in line next to you, holding his gaze while smiling and striking up a lighthearted conversation. 

Skilled flirters are never without suitors.

Men love engaging with women who give them warm, fuzzy signals that say "I'm here. I'm engaged in life. I'm accessible, playful, alive, present and available for conversation and connection."

Staring at your phone while in line at Starbucks or texting while powering down a Subway sandwich kills off any chance of connection. Put that phone away and practice being with real people who are there in the real world right in front of you.

I encourage single men and women both to practice being accessible by offering those eye-locks and pearly whites all day long, wherever they are during the day. The intent? To brighten the life of this stranger for no reason other than because it feels good to do so.

Then offer up a question, a comment or a simple compliment.This often leads to a fun, casual conversation about.....well nothing special, really. How nice the day is, how good the coffee smells in the room or a comment about the game that's airing on the ever-present TV sets all around us.

An airline flight was one of the rare places where we'd have a respite from our addiction to our cell phones, tablets and computers. But that's no longer true. Our devices are sophisticated enough now that we can hide out from our seat neighbors on airplane mode. We keep buried in our own secluded micro-worlds, easily shutting each other out, our eyes glued to our little screens and connecting with no one. Let's chat up our seat mates instead, can we?

Here's how to get your flirt back:

Leave your cell phone (aka your crutch) in your car or in your purse for at least one outing each day. Flirt fearlessly (also the title of a great book by Rachel DeAlto) when running your daily errands.

Julie Ferman has been a personal matchmaker and dating coach since 1990, with over 1100 marriages to her credit. Single men and women are welcome to register privately, for free, to be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals throughout the U.S., Canada and the world. Julie provides a full menu of personal matchmaking and dating coaching services, by invitation. Her mission is to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Visit her website at


This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.