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Bringing yourself pleasure as a beloved can improve all of your relationships.
By Judith Boice — Written on Jul 07, 2019
Sometimes, single women don't realize that getting some kind of intimacy is still possible for them. So, if you're a woman who's having intimacy issues due to her single status, it's time to learn how to love yourself.
Honestly, the loneliness of being single can be tough, but if you can learn how to love yourself, things can be a whole lot easier for you.
For approximately half of my adult life, I have lived alone and half in a relationship with a partner. I have found gifts both living alone and sharing a home with a partner.
Living as a single woman does not necessarily mean living without emotional intimacy or sexual pleasure. As a sovereign woman, you can take your own physical pleasure just as seriously as you would that of a beloved’s.
Reflect on the messages you have internalized about focusing on your own needs and your own pleasure. Like many women, your entire life may be focused on caring for others, especially if you are a single mother and/or have a career as a caregiver.
But, here's the one thing you must always remember: you are a worthy recipient of your own deeply nurturing and loving attention. Intimacy is within your grasp if you know exactly what brings you happiness and it doesn't necessarily mean having a partner.
Loving yourself requires a bit of self-care and intimate time with yourself. This could be anything that brings you joy and pleasure.
And you can start this journey of self-pleasuring by creating a list of things you can do in 60 seconds or less that you enjoy, such as:
- Stroking your palms lightly
- Smelling a wonderful scent (try using an essential oil inhaler)
- Dancing to a favorite tune
- Singing along to a song you heard on the radio
- Watching birds out the window
- Taking 10 mindful breaths and indulging in some breathing exercises
- Mindfully eating a couple of bites of (healthy) food to nourish your body.
You can also bring solo pleasure to your bedroom by preparing the space just as lovingly as you would for a delicious tryst by trying these:
- Warming the bedroom with a space heater
- Tossing dried rose petals on the bed
- Lighting candles
- Taking a shower and massaging yourself with organic oils infused with essential oils
- Wearing a deliciously soft nightgown
- Massaging and pleasuring your body
- Hugging yourself with deep love and appreciation
Research shows that knowing how to pleasure yourself may bring more sexual fulfillment in a partnered relationship as well.
Learning to love yourself is not always the easiest thing to do but when you're single, it's more important than ever. You don't have to miss out on intimacy just because you don't have a partner to share it with. To love yourself is to also be intimate with yourself.
You don’t have to wait for a lover to come into your life to increase your happiness quotient. Take yourself as a lover just as seriously as a beloved and enjoy the opportunity to find pleasure in your own company.
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Dr. Judith Boice is a Naturopathic Doctor, Licensed Acupuncturist, and Fellow of the American Board of Naturopathic Oncology. Knowing you are deeply committed to having full, vibrant health, Dr. Boice is offering a free 20-minute Next Step session to support you in developing a crystal-clear vision of health and identifying your next best action to take in developing the level of health you desire.
This article was originally published at drjudithboice.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.