Why Pulling Back Doesn't Bring Him Closer


There are plenty of reasons why he might be pulling away, and not all of them are bad.

So you've been dating for a few months; the passion, chemistry, and time together seem beautiful and constant. You're beginning to believe this relationship has a chance. Your relationship seems like it's on equal footing, and you equally engage in initiating conversations. The bottom line is that you feel like you're on the same page. In addition, you haven't been needy or demanding.

Here's the thing: all of a sudden he pulls away without warning — just a major pull back by him.

Now you decide not to do what so many others do, which is reach out constantly in an anxious panic, but rather you decide to do the same as him (pull away), hoping his anxious side will bring him back. So when he finally reaches out with a text or email, you stall. A few hours go by and he reaches out again, and you stall or don't respond altogether.

This is game playing, and tantamount to playing chicken, waiting to see who flinches first.

There is a belief that if you follow this tactic, you can trigger a man's anxious side and then you'll be in control, almost like you'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand.

Sorry friends, that only works for about a minute. Why he pulled back or why he disappeared happens for a reason. When you understand his "why," you can make better choices for your actions going forward. There's a cause to every action (even pulling away), and when we better understand someone we want to spend time with, the better our relationship will be. Rather than playing games, seek to understand.

Ask yourself the following: Could his life be in transition and does he have a lot on his plate? Does his personal distractions limit his ability to be fully in, and does he have the same time as you do for a relationship? Has he cleared his past and is he ready for a future? Does his life have passion and purpose, or is he spinning circles?

Ask questions first before you take action. Maybe he needed space, maybe he's deciding whether to move forward or to end the relationship. Before you play a game, call him and find out what's up. Talk to him, learn what's really going on inside his head. If you're friends, he'll be honest and share his feelings accordingly. If he's not ready for a serious relationship, better to know now before you fully give your heart. Have a conversation before you play a game.

Let me just say, all the game playing in the world will not change his circumstances. Seek to understand first before you react and your relationship has a winning chance.

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This article was originally published at Understand Men Now with Jonathon Aslay. Reprinted with permission from the author.