Tips For Talking To Your Adult Children About Your ‘Silver Divorce

Love, Family

Divorce is never an easy topic to discuss with family because the ramifications of a divided family can create undesired consequences.  The reasons for divorce are many but the top reasons are usually money, lack of intimacy, and general compatibility. Discussing the reasons for a divorce with adult children after many years of marriage can be difficult but here are a few tips in creating some understanding.  

1. Explain to the children that you are a different person than the one who married and that you and your partner are on different paths.
2. You have faithfully honored your obligations to your family and believe it is time to achieve new goals that you are unable to do in your current situation. 
3. The marriage has not been fulfilling to you as a person and you want the opportunity to grow personally. You have outgrown your partner and the marriage.
4. You want to enjoy your later years with little or no conflict. There is little or no intimacy in the marriage and hopes of a compatible relationship are over.
5. You believe your partner will be alright without you or will find alternatives for your role in their life.
6. You believe your spouse and you will be okay financially with this decision. You have given great consideration to your decision.

Other Considerations

Religious and other social obligations often keep a marriage together, but these too are areas that change once a moment of clarity in your life comes around.  The sense of exhaustion in a marriage that has had better days changes the perspective of the most devout and social interactions are not that important.  The need to move on becomes stronger than keeping old habits and bonds.

Another primary reason there are silver divorces is the issue of spending the rest of your life with some peace of mind.  This point will have different reactions by adult children but if this is a decision you have made as a senior you need to stick with it.  Some children will not accept it, while others will choose sides, and then there is the reaction that, it is about time.

The Marriage Experience

A marriage can either be uplifting, a major challenge, or somewhere in between.  When a union is not of a fulfilling nature it can become draining emotionally and physically.  Many people remain in destructive relationships for reasons such as children, finances, and image but when you reach a certain age some or any of these reasons are no longer relevant.

They endure the hardships of a difficult situation and cope the best that they can for many years.  When the opportunity arises to “escape” or end the obstacles that the marriage and the spouse represent there can be an urge to be liberated.  This decision is not easy and not to be taken likely but the benefits of being alone or having the opportunity to find some joy in life is appealing.

Marriage is an institution designed to be a life-long commitment and no one should enter this type of union without that intention.  A silver marriage is one that has endured a lot of obstacles and overcome many of them as a unit. When the fruits of the efforts of that union are no longer a value it is time for many people to depart and seek a better life.

Consequences

There may be some backlash by your adult children when you decide to leave a long-term marriage but after careful consideration it might be the healthiest choice to make.  Being miserable for many years and feeling unappreciated are not part of the vow you took when you said, “I do.”  If you do not take control of your remaining years of life, then no one is going to make you happy.

You are not a bad person for wanting to be happy but feeling guilty is natural.  Adult children may engage in behavior that causes you to have those emotions. This is just one of the many issues you will face once you have started the divorce process.

Conclusions

The marriage and the life you have had is one that you have grown accustom, but you may be miserable in it. Divorce will bring you new challenges but the prospect of a better life for the rest of it is appealing. Time and experience often bring wisdom and understanding. 

If you are the senior deciding to divorce, then you a person standing up for yourself. It may be the most difficult decision of your life. You are asking others and your children to accept you for who you are and not just you are accepting others. It is a declaration of independence proclaiming you deserve peace and happiness.  You have been a martyr long enough!

John Cappello has been a practicing psychic medium for over 25 years.  For more information about his work or to book a consultation go to his website at www.johncappello.com.

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