How A Single Parent Can Create Support

Love, Family

Single parenting is not an easy job but if you are able to create a support system it will make the lives of your children and “you” much easier. A little time and effort in the beginning will allow you to have some peace of mind and work out issues before they become problematic.  When you are alone it is best to look at the big picture of your situation, creating a practical check list, and use a decision tree to assist you in making at least 5 major decisions.

 1.Your first “yes” or “no” action on your checklist is to determine whether you and the other parent can co-parent.  If yes, then you can develop a new routine for the family.  The example of two parents working and supporting each other is healthy for all members of the family.

If no, then you must create a list of other close family members, friends, neighbors, or care facilities to assist you in creating a new routine for your children and you. If you have an adversarial relationship with the other parent, you need to be careful with your choices of potential caregivers because your former partner may be looking for weaknesses in your parenting capacity.

You should note that if you are in a new relationship that dependence on your new partner can cause issues. They may be helpful but there could be a point where it could be seen of taking advantage of them.  This is true with others such as parents and close friends.

The need for “sub” decision trees may be necessary so that care giving is shared by others and you on an equitable basis.You will find people who will help but there is a limit to their goodwill.A mindful approach needs to be considered in this area.

2. Secondly, financial considerations can assist you in creating a support system.  Child support and your job need to be able to cover the expenses of a new household.  A realistic budget is an essential support mechanism for you. Yes and no decisions must be made to determine what is a necessary expense and what is not.

The choices you make in this area can be the difference between being comfortable or living in poverty.  Many single parents have difficulty making ends meet because there is not enough money for the family.  A new job or career may be necessary to have a quality life.

A support system that allows you to gain financial independence may not be possible initially so if help from other sources is needed you should consider it.  Family and friends could be a source for income or temporary assistance.  Government assistance is an option that is available and should be obtained if necessary.

3. Thirdly, an adequate living space needs to be secured for the family.  A residence needs to be convenient to churches, schools, shopping, banking, work, and the others who can be there for you when you need to take care of other needs. Carefully, considering a place to live will require you to make yes and no decisions based on your unique situation.

It is not that difficult because this decision is often made by the best space available. It might not be the choice you would make if you had other circumstances in your life but choose the one that will work! This is an area where safety and functionality are important.

You may find that temporary quarters may be found with another family member or a friend until you find your own space.  If there is an offer for help and it is workable then it should be thoughtfully considered. Please do not allow pride to prevent you from having a comfortable living space for your family.

4. Fourth, choosing a church or spiritual family, schools, and medical care givers is necessary. A routine and scheduling are helpful as a support system.  You must use your personal value system to make these choices. Sorting out the best alternatives requires the “yes” “no” decision process.

The choices you make in these areas should support your belief systems. A church or spiritual family reinforces your values and helps you instill them in your children.There are plenty of battles to fight as a single parent and you do not need a spiritual community that is sending conflicting messages to your children.

A good daycare and schools are important considerations because these environments can reflect your priorities in these areas.The professionals at these places should be accessible and transparent with their philosophies. They can support you and you can be comfortable with them.

Medical care which includes a good family doctor, pediatrician, dental, and adequate health facilities nearby is helpful.Consistency in medical care and staying on schedules is helpful maintaining stability for everyone in the family.Record keeping is important in this area as well.

5. Fifth, creating a new life for your family and setting priorities are essential in your new life but you cannot forget your emotional and social needs. Seeking joy as a single person is important because your good disposition and attitude gives you strength. If your children or you need therapy to cope do not rule it out.  

Extracurricular activities can be considered a part of your support system.Children involved in projects, hobbies, or competition is healthy if possible.This is a consideration for you as well because it allows you to develop new friendships and a sense of wholeness.

An active lifestyle and involvement in activities is good for the family. They help build character and a sense of self-worth.A balance must be made between activity time and family time, but it is worth the effort.

A happy and productive family and “you” is necessary to take on the challenges of single parenting. The positive atmosphere you create is a result of the support system you have created.  It may be the greatest area of support you can achieve on your own.

There will be some reality checks during your initial adjustment period.  You will learn about the strengths and weaknesses of your system.  Some of the people, for example,  you thought you could count on for support will be fine, some a disappointment, and there may be surprises from people you did not expect to “step up” to be there when you need them.

The support system you create will be tested and revised as needed.  A methodical and realistic approach will bring you dividends quickly and make your experience rewarding.  The circumstances of becoming a single parent are never easy will but your burden will be lessened if you have a good plan.

Conclusions

A support system for a single parent must be in place for a family to be successful and survive in a complicated world. Good parenting is necessary with the best of conditions but when you are alone you are serving in two roles of mother and father.  It does not matter if you are a woman or a man because caring for vulnerable children is a priority.

There are lots of possibilities for a single parent and taking time to brainstorm about them is good.  Your support system may consider a mind, body, spirit approach for a new normal in the lives of your children and you.  A decision tree is an excellent device to use because it helps you ward off the “gotchas” of being alone and raising children.

Single parenting is not easy but if you are responsible, positive, and proactive you will succeed. It is a journey that can be rewarding and bring you great happiness.  You do not have to feel like this role is a burden or it is placing your life on hold.  A solid support system allows your family and you to be productive and have a happy independent life.

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John Cappello is a practicing psychic medium and former single parent.  For more information or to book a consultation go to his website at www.johncappello.com.