The Backlash of Feminism


I’ve noticed an alarming tendency with American women in romantic relationships. It’s the tendency to engage in male-bashing and to disempower the men in their lives. 

I blame the feminist movement for this male-bashing.  Overall the feminist movement did many great things for women, but now with hindsight I can see the serious gaps in consciousness and rationality. The great thing about the feminist movement is that it brought women roughly on par with men in most social and economic situations.  Women became eligible to do the same jobs as men and were valued for their work in the world as never before (even if it’s still about 73% of how men are valued financially). 

The problem; and I believe it’s a very serious problem, is that in creating parity, women were elevated by devaluing men.  The other problem is that we were expected to act like men to be on par with them, rather than be honored for who we are as women.

Women and men are not the same, nor should we ever try to pretend we are.  We each have our unique and wonderful traits. When we try to be like men, we dishonor our feminine essence.  We also dishonor the men in our lives when we take over those qualities that are inherently male.  Women in America have learned to act like men over the past fifty or sixty years.  We’ve taken over the bedroom and the boardroom, and we’re sending mixed messages. 

We’ve bought into the ideas that we have to be dominant and do everything that men can do. We’ve bought into an idea of equality in romantic relationships that causes a lack of sustainable sexual connection because it insists that we deny and hide our inherent nature.  The current model for romantic relationships also asks men to deny their inherent nature.  It demands that men be more nurturing and more acquiescent than most would be naturally (the stereotypical Nice Guy).  When men were asked to take on more traditionally feminine qualities, the backlash began.  If you look at most sitcoms and many commercials today, men are often portrayed as bumbling idiots.  Nice guys finish last, but men haven’t been given any other options.

I propose a new model for romantic relationships.  In fact, I propose this model for all relationships.  This is not an original proposal; pioneers in sacred relationships have been talking about this model for ten or fifteen years now. I propose that it come away from the fringe of pioneers and enter into the consciousness of mainstream America.

Women need to return to their inherent nature.  Our inherent nature is one of receptivity, softness, collaboration, communication, and creativity.  Indeed, the most powerful creative force in the Universe is a woman’s ability to create another human being.  Our strength lies in our willingness and our ability to be open hearted and vulnerable.

Men also need to return to their inherent nature.  Their inherent nature is one of direction, single pointed focus, doing, fixing, and thinking.  Their strength lies in their willingness and ability to stay focused and stable, even in the midst of the feminine creative force whirling around them in all directions. 

Essentially, the inherent nature of the masculine is one of hardness.  The inherent quality of the feminine is softness. Men don’t want to encounter hardness with their hardness; they want to come into softness.  Sexual polarity, which creates the spark of eroticism, exists when two opposites encounter each other. 

I suggest that we uncover and embrace our true natures first, and from that place work to attract a partner who balances our natural traits and tendencies.  This is a huge topic, and I’ll return to it next time.