In my nine years as a healer and seven years as a life coach, I’ve learned something simple yet profound: the answer is Love. I even have a bumper sticker on my car that proclaims this truth.
All of the problems I’ve personally encountered have been due to me or someone I love feeling unloved or unlovable in some way. When I’ve restored the feeling of being loved, the problem disappears. The same is true of all my clients, past and present, for all of their problems. It’s true whether the problem is related to work, health, family, sex, or romance.
I realize this is a pretty bold statement. All of our problems can be solved by opening to love. Specifically, we solve them by opening to love for ourselves. How does this work? And what if you already think you love yourself? The good news is that you probably do already love yourself. And there’s always room for more love.
Some signs that you could benefit from allowing yourself to receive more love include:
1. You judge other people’s behaviors
2. You blame others when something goes wrong in your life
3. You are the “go-to” person whenever anyone needs help
4. You rarely, if ever, ask for help for yourself
5. You are your own worst critic
The list could go on and on, but you get the idea. If you ever find yourself playing Judge, Martyr or Victim, those are roles played by people who could stand a little more self-love in their life.
Here are some very simple ways you can open to receive more love:
1. Stand in front of a mirror, look deeply into your own eyes, and say, “I love you. And what I love about you is this: (insert one thing you love about yourself).” You might feel silly or uncomfortable at first, but keep at it. I burst into tears the first time I did this exercise, and I remember it vividly even though it was over ten years ago.
3. Create a Compliment List. Email your friends and family and tell them you’re doing a self-improvement project. Ask them to send you one thing they love about you and one thing they’d like to see you work on. When you get their responses, take all the positive comments and turn them into a list. If you’re the creative type, you can make a collage. For now, ignore the non-positive comments. Keep the list somewhere you will see it every day. Mine’s laminated in my handbag.
4. Ask for help. Pick one thing you’d like to improve about yourself and get help with improving it. Having someone to hold you accountable will ensure your success… even if they’re holding you accountable for being more compassionate with yourself. You can choose a friend, family member, clergy member, coach or therapist.