4 Simple Acts That Lead To Love In Times Of Grief


Grief events bring up painful wounds of the past. There is no better time than now to stop bleeding

The aftermath of a national tragic event like the devastation at Sandy Hook Elementary brings to life a world of painful wounds.  Based on previous experiences and knowledge people react in three ways. They either get pissed enough to take action toward change using the event to move them toward more life and love, avoid pain becoming indifferent and apathetic, or stay stuck in pain and frustration captive in their own thoughts and behaviors.

Those who are ready to take action ask themselves, “What can I do to help?”  I know what I here to activate change by educating others.  I believe it is critical to educate people back to the soul they were born to be and one of the biggest issues standing in the way is we live in an emotionally illiterate world.

All emotions truly are a choice even in the most painful of times but if we first have the right background information.  We must first be aware of what emotion we’re feeling and then know other emotional options to choose. 

Being emotionally illiterate means living in emotional poverty by recognizing only simple emotions like sadness, anger, and happiness.  People who live in emotional poverty mistakenly think that love and happiness are found outside themselves and when they haven’t met their own needs they punish others by shaming, complaining, or blaming.  These three actions are the “SCaBs” of the emotions.

Sometimes we keep our scabs to ourselves as self-inflicted punishment and the number one indicator that we are not taking care of ourselves first. When a grief event happens or someone rubs one our scabs we cannot take the pain and bleed out into the world subconsciously deciding to punish others. 

If happiness, freedom, and peace is what you want but you’re finding yourself in a constant struggle with people or things like money, time, or events then chances are you have some scabs you need to tend to. 

Death is inevitable and unpredictable.  I know this through my own experiences of losing my husband unexpectedly at 36, pregnant with our third baby girl, to an accident during a routine shoulder surgery.  You know this through your own experiences, and we know this through national tragedies like December 14, 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary. 

If you’re unaware of what you can do to help bring more love and life to the world I have 4 simple ACTS you can do to become more aware. 

A- Ask.  What do I want?  How do I want to feel?  If you want to breathe easier, laugh harder, and love stronger then you must go within and start observing your own life claiming first what you want to feel. 

C- Check in with your self.  Observe your own actions or emotions.  Are they bringing you closer to what you want or further from what you want?  You will know if you are closer if you are breathing easier.

T- Take personal responsibility.  It is critical to stop the scabs from festering especially in times of grief and there is no time to waste. 

Make a call to action that you will not stand this for yourself, for your kids, for your world because this is what keeps us stuck in emotional poverty.  We are all going to die and it’s time to get pissed because anger is intolerance and intolerance will move you toward taking action.  Write a contract with your soul that says, “I will not stand for scabs in my life” and get naked with the following three tips:

1. Forgive anyone and anything you need to forgive.
2. Find gratitude in every experience and each emotion be it one that hurts like hell or one that feels too good to put into words.
3. Appreciate your life by finding what’s fun for you, getting quiet, breathing loving breaths, and being awake to nature and what’s right in front of you.

S- Seek help.  Reach out to others asking for help, knowledge, or advice.

When I lost my husband, I knew literally right away that no one was going to be able to take care of me unless I decided for myself that I was worth fighting for and my babies needed me at my best.  I made three promises to him that gave me no other choice but to fight to bring my Sexy Soul out from her darkness. 

I realized I was living more like a widow when my husband was living than I’ve ever lived in the widowHOOD.  I had a husband who adored me no matter how miserable I was inside or how much weight I used to cover my own scabs.  I deprived myself of love and happiness feeling guilty for even wanting more and ashamed for my imperfections as a wife and mother.

I found Band-Aids through his love, through my children’s love, and through the approval of others but I wasn’t taking the time I needed to go inside and take care of my own well being.  I now know that freeing my soul back to the essence that she was born with is the key to living, loving life, and gifting the world with the sexy soul that brought me here.