Can I Really Stay Friends With My Ex? Finally, A Straight Answer!


Are you putting your current relationship at risk if you don't break ties with a former partner?

Dear Fearless Love,

I am still friends with my ex, but my current boyfriend has an issue with this. We are just friends, but he feels uncomfortable about us still hanging out together. What am I obligated to do here? Do we break up or am I forced to give up the friendship even though we've known each other a very long time?

Dear Cindee,

I am assuming that your ex is your ex-husband. It is said that a divorce is 20% legal and 80% emotional. In order to be emotionally available for your next relationship, it is important to let go of the emotional ties, dependencies and attachments of your past relationship. This is very hard to do this, as it requires complete mourning, aka death, of the relationship: what it was, what it wasn't and what it will never be. If you feel that you have already gone through all of the stages of grief: Denial/Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance and now have reestablished a new relationship with your ex but it is getting in the way of your new love, you may want to consider which of these relationships is the most important. Do you want to hold on to the past relationship, which is safe and predictable? Do you want to embrace a new relationship and its uncertainties? Examining your answers to these questions may help you to determine how to approach each of them. Ultimately, it is important for you to have clarity about what it is you really want for yourself and to make sure you are truly honoring the relationships you are in. 

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