Why I Am Discarding My Big Girl Panties


‘Putting on my big girl panties’  I loathe that expression.  For me it translates to  - ‘Grown woman don’t cry’.  I totally applaud forward movement, focusing on what you want and going for it, instead of whining through life.

But why does it have to be couched with words like big girl panties?   How about I am putting on my g-string?  Donning my wings?  You are stretching to the bigness of who you are and there is no shame in the pain of change.  Stretching hurts and is terrifying.
Why does it have to sound like women are back in grade school, playing tough.  Not an enjoyable experience for most girls, who are often belittled for softness, smacked down for dreams and re-shaped to fit into societies ‘norms’.  Molded by the system, not to be the confident and sensual woman, but a watered down good girl.  Who would don her big panties, to prove to the world that she could shrug off pain in a heartbeat, and ground down the need for any man to hold open the door to her dreams.

Those starchy big girl panties are a conformists dream.

My formative school years were spent in uniform, blending into a big pile of sameness, that smashed the bold and unique within.  We wore bland outfits to blend in, with matching ‘brooks’  - baggy bloomers,  that covered up any hint of sexuality.  Fabric big girl pants that saved us from the shocking possible shame of the weekly measured length (no more than 3 inches above the knee) flying up to reveal girl parts.
Power lies in our sex.  Not in having sex, although “le petite morte” is a wonderful release of the mortal world, to entwine in.    Instead to be wanton with your spirit, allowing the essence of you to show up on the outside is sensual.  Your divine being bathed in earthiness and abundance.   All that joy that comes from uncrossing your legs, and honoring that triangle.  Not manipulating others or trying to deny those awkward squishy feelings of having a body, or owning desires that the expression of big girl panties seem to suggest.

Feeling sexy doesn’t mean you are running around screwing everything in sight.  It means you are meeting your body where she is at, relaxing into being you, in all your senses. Don the pair of panties that has you celebrating your inner woman, not the ones that remind you of society rules.  If women’s breasts are exposed, they are sleeping around or acting in ways that make you feel uncomfortable, pause to clamber into your g-string before going into judgement and condemnation.  Discomfort comes up because of our own issues around sexuality and body image.  Breathe out and in deep and remember how panties create society.  Blame it on the big girl underwear.  The invisible silencer.

Luxuriate in your container, no matter the shape, and take advantage of being feminine.   Is it possible to relish the intuition and compassion of being a woman with folded arms and chastising big girl panties that are cutting off circulation?

The expression ‘big girl panties’  reminds me that as long as women are willing to keep playing the game of little girls and striving to be as tough as men, nothing will change between men and women and little will alter for growing girls and boys.  I have yet to hear a man talk about putting on his big boy underwear.

Are you ready to drop those drawers for something sexier?  


Jen Duchene is an internationally acclaimed speaker, Le Chic Lifestyle & Design Expert, Polite Woman Extraordinaire, and Radio Host of Le Chic Speak on The Woohoo Radio Network. Jen’s book Le Chic Cocoon: 7 steps to creating your Selfish Space is the go-to guide for Exhausted People Pleasers who are ready to find freedom through Personal Space & Polite Power Rules.

Her impressive credentials include being named one of the Top 20 Interior Design Firms by San Jose Business Journal, being featured in Home Builders Magazine, and regularly appearing in the media.

This article was originally published at Illuminate with Jen Duchene. Reprinted with permission from the author.