Does a woman need a room of her own?

Love, Self

A woman requires a sweet spot hideout to release her inner core, the most erogenous zone of all.

Apparently women’s brains resemble a superhighway while a man’s brain is more of a country road.  I am no brain expert, merely quoting experts.

So why does brain matter matter?  A man’s brain keeps thoughts in tidy little piles, and woman’s thoughts are all connected, and picked over.    So a man already has compartments in his head and typically he has his “man cave”  his hangout room in reality.  The den or family room is his castle, usually with a big screen, remote, couch, table for feet and easy access to refreshment and snacks.   It doesn’t matter if the room is in the basement or the attic.  It fulfills the basic requirements.  He is in heaven and if you are a woman who either could live without a big screen or you enjoy the game, this is not a getaway room for you.  

Most women’s brains are linking information and processing it, constantly working the white matter.   Men actually have more grey matter and women more white.   Color makes a difference, and not just in brains.

So while it is very easy for a man to drift into down time, a woman has much more sorting to do.  Think of it like doing laundry.   A typical guy throws everything into the wash and may be midly perplexed when it all comes out gray.   A woman usually sorts the wash into color and fabric type.  Doing the laundry can be a complex mindful undertaking.

If a man needs a den, he creates it with what is.

For a woman escape is essential but it is challenging. That multitasking brain has a hidden shut down switch.  There is always room for one more task.  Until she is a burned out, exhausted and pretty irritated from all that people pleasing and over giving.  Trouble is, it is not so pretty.   A woman on the edge.  I think most women are habitually on the edge, waiting for disaster. Preparing for the big one.   Making sure all the i’s are dotted.

This is why a woman needs a room of her own.  Her castle in the sky removed from the bustle of the busy highway, and distractions of life.   Virginia Woolf said it best  “A woman needs a room and money of her own in which to write” 

Virginia was a writer, recognized accomplished social and literary success, you might say she had it all.  And yet she knew with her artist heart and woman’s brain that her road to peace and passion was in an attic.   I don’t think you need an attic but I do believe the clarity behind her share is profound.  

When you have a room of your own or even a tiny space, you become mistress of that space.  You own land in your life.  You have a bolthole and a retreat.  Life is not always dreamy, but having that sacred space that feeds your soul and offers sanctuary and escape is an essential thrival tool.   You can keep busy every waking hour doing, and doing for others to organize their lives and keep your career on track, but if you dont have that space to sink into, and dream in, a part of you will die.

Often the doer within women becomes the  “the voice of reason”  and whispers all the reasons why you must not be selfish.   Millions of tears drop in silence daily by women because they have nowhere to go.  Their lives are lived in plain sight, under the watchful eye of other people.  Sometimes the people in your life are other people. Prodding, pushing and slapping you down.  But in that sacred room, the temple to your soul, you can find inner peace, a connection to the passion that brought you to this life.  A way back to solace and to staking a claim.  Proving to you and to all those on your superhighway that you matter.    That you can create boundaries in a room of your own.


Finding the space to create your room is simple, walk through your home with a fresh eye.  Is there an unused space that calls to you?  That guest room full of junk, or a bed that is never used?  A generous landing with room for a big chair or even a corner by the fire?   If no space is free, perhaps you can find room to double up.  Create your corner in your shared bedroom and declare it off limits while you are in retreat mode.   If nothing at all is available then plan your “room on the run”.  Keep a bag handy with all your dream making tools.

Once you have claimed your space, mark your calendar for alone time in your room. Make a list of what you need.  Keep it simple to get started.  A chair, a lamp, a small table culled from whatever you have at home or shop in your budget. Garage sales can be troves of goodness.   Release your inner dreamer, slow down that highway traffic to still. 

What would you do in your room?   The only rule is it has to be self "centered" nothing  to do with anyone else.  Perhaps you start journaling, sketching or doing the crossword.  Whatever “writing” means to you in an indulgent heart opening way.   Put your feet up and get comfortable. Connect to your inner fire and release her in everyday spaces. 

You might be surprised what happens when you release you hidden passions