No Rules Allowed: The Real Challenges With Modern Dating


Whatever rules people were using to create relationships went out the window.

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Susan Winter, Author of the book Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life: In your view, what are some of the greatest challenges that you find men and women face in terms of finding their partners nowadays?

Susan Winter: Dating Rules As We Knew Them

I'm speaking mostly about America and the European countries.

The day that the clock hit 12:01 in the year 2000, for me, everything changed. We jumped forward.

  • Whatever rules people were using to create relationships went out the window.
  • Sex was completely open.
  • People were expressing themselves.

I think it's wonderful that women are allowed to be sexually empowered and not chastised for that.

At the same time, you have an individual who is evolving and you have a world that kind of erased all the rules. It's a free for all. Everyone is out there.

If they didn't want to evolve, they have to now. The whole construct is all messed up.

No More Dating Rules
In a way, we've had a forced evolution where people have to deal with a system that has no rules. They know the rules of the old system but no one is willing to play by it.

Now they have to deal with life the way it is and dating the way it is.

No one knows what's going on.

Effects of No Dating Rules
You still have people who want love, partnership and meaningful connection, however they interpret that. That might mean for two or three months, or for a lifetime.

Now, everyone is faced with having to get very clear on what they want and having the courage to be able to state that and not worry what the other person feels.

You may have to say goodbye to eight or nine prospective suitors because you just told them the truth. "I like monogamy. I'm sorry. I’m not into polyamory. I’m not into being number two. I want to be number one."

That may be a drag for some guys who are dating around and want to have a good time but you have to say goodbye to those people to be clear. Someone will want what you want.

Conversely, there are many people nowadays who are exploring open relationships, which demand an incredible amount of trust.

Dating Rules in an "Open Relationship"
Let's get clear on the definition of "open relationship." An open relationship doesn't mean that no one asks any questions and I get to sleep with whomever I like.

An open relationship means that:

  1. You have one primary person that you are committed to.
  2. You are both aware, informed and acknowledging the other partners that are coming in and out.
  3. You are both in agreement to what is happening.

It doesn’t mean some guy gets to say, "I'm in an open relationship so you can sleep with me. By the way, you just have to deal with the other women." That's not an open relationship.

Those are constructed through agreements. In a way, it's kind of forcing dialogue that we've never had before, which is exciting.

The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Susan Winters. The entire interview transcript is at: Susan Winters Interview – Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life – Susan Winters

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes

Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Indian American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host  and Matchmaker/Dating Coach.

She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Full-Service Selective Search, Dating / Relationship Coaching & Online Dating Support Firm – For Indian Singles. 

Jasbina is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show – conversations with published authors/experts on relationships and health and wellness.

She has received worldwide press (Oprah, Chicago Tribune, Inc., Entrepreneur Magazine) including TV and Video & Radio

For more information, please visit Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina directly at info @

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This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.