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What's the attraction really about?
By Jarone Ashkenazi — Written on Sep 09, 2020
Older women make better mates because they don’t have time for games.
Cougars just want intimacy and aren’t seeking an exclusive long-term relationship with a younger guy.
Cougars seem to want what a good majority of men want: a no strings attached hook-up, right?
Not necessarily. It actually depends on the situation.
There are two types of cougars: the first group of cougars is the ones that love a good hook-up with a young, fit man. These cougars "think like a man" and are searching for the hottest-looking guy she can get.
The other type of cougar puts up the facade of being on the hunt, even though they are truly seeking a strong connection, not an emotionless fling.
But this is where some of the most common cliches are proven to be true.
Younger men like to please women, which draws the attention of older women as they crave human interaction. In their need to please a woman, they are very flattering, which builds the older woman's confidence.
But that’s not the whole story. A "cub's" enthusiasm in and out of the bedroom is also really contagious, which is something a lot of cougar women enjoy discovering.
Karen Lee Poter, author and talk show host of The Karen Lee Poter Show believes, “Cougar dating is far more than just about physical intimacy. It's a connection to someone who's confident, young spirited, independent, and wise. Dating someone younger is a preference for an experienced woman who doesn't play games and is self-sufficient.”
But what do actual, real-life cougars think?
Maria Cedar is a 57-year-old freelance model whose dating age range is from the late 20s to the early 40s. Unlike Porter, Cedar thinks that some cougars go after younger guys just for intimacy. She even said that, for her, physical intimacy is “a major part of it.”
But a very important factor is that, “Younger men are so much more appreciative being with someone that is more mature... and I am not talking in years, but intellectually and physically.” Cougars just know what they want and what they like so the younger men do not have to guess.
Cedar thinks that the intimacy is better with a younger guy, “because a cub wants to please and give more than take." While it's fun to be with a younger, ripped guy to "just appreciate two bodies enjoying each other,” Cedar admits that in most cases she does want more than just a physical relationship.
Lucy Jones is a 48-year-old relationship and cougar dating expert for Toyboy Warehouse. She exclusively dates men in their 20s, after being married to a man 10 years her senior for eight years.
Jones doesn’t enter relationships with a pre-determined mindset of what the relationship will be. She enjoys, “both serious and short-term relationships with younger men and takes each relationship as it comes.” Jones even started a relationship in her early 40s with a younger partner who was 25 years old.
As you can see, you can’t put all cougar/cub relationships into one basket.
“There’s no limit as to what a relationship between an older woman and a younger man can entail, whether that’s crazy, exciting intimacy, deep trusting friendship or the start of a new life together. is the great perk of it all is the physical relationship, it’s not the limit,” concluded Jones.
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Jarone Ashekenazi is a writer covering dating/relationships and other lifestyle topics. His work has been featured in Fast Company, Just Luxe, Elite Daily, CBS LA, and Ask Men.