How To Get Over The Guy You're OBSESSED With

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how to stop obsessing over him

Racking your brain trying to figure him out? Here's a better idea.

This guy, this guy, this guy. Many women tell me about this guy.

I say, "I understand, are you dating anyone else?" They answer no. "This guy, this guy, I'm obsessed with this guy."

If you are saying this, odds are you are prematurely bonded to this guy, meaning you had sex with this guy before you found out what this guy is like. Now, all your conversations are all about this guy. And you're wondering how to stop obsessing about him.

Are you a serial monogamist? Do you not date for a while then suddenly meet someone, have sex, and find yourself in a relationship? Don't do that. Stop obsessing over one guy. Date people. In fact, you should date three people.

One is serial monogamy. Two is either or. Three is diversity. Give yourself a chance of not being swamped by not having sex right away. Just date people.


Often, high-intensity chemistry and attraction at the beginning don't last because you can't maintain the pace and the charm wears off. Be yourself, feel good, energized, and happy.

Good chemistry is fun, uplifting, and keeps a smile on your face. Laughter has the most enduring charm. It stays with you a lifetime. Laughter makes for the best chemistry while steamy, sexy charm often wears off.

The reason people often go with people they have high chemistry for is they have a lesson to learn. A love yourself lesson.

People who love themselves are not looking for an out of body experience they are looking to build a real life with someone. Ideally, you are with someone, you have chemistry, you can still be yourself with. 

The minute you lose that, you have an addiction. You become obsessed with this guy.


In relationships, most of us catch on fire or are waiting to catch on fire. The challenge is these fires are unpredictable and often go out fast or burn your house down. Building a fire takes more time. However, it's built to last.

It has ingredients: paper to catch, kindle to ignite, and wood to maintain the warmth and the flame. Men fall in love to the amount and degree they do things for you. If a man offers to do something for you this is the beginning of a relationship.

Remember: love is foundational and sex is spontaneous. It's the difference between chemistry and commitment. Anybody can stumble their way into chemistry. Only people who want to take the time to build have commitments.

Get James' FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula.

This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan . Reprinted with permission from the author.