The 5 Don'ts Of First Dates You Need To Know

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Love, Self

Let's face it, dating can be anxiety provoking for anyone. First dates are especially daunting because  you are walking into the unknown.  It can go one way or another, or somewhere in between.

Don't believe that you are the only one feeling anxious when you go on a first, second, or even third date. 

Most people feel some kind of discomfort. Some are just better at hiding it than others. 

Here are 5 first date tips you need to know if you want a second date.

1. Don't hustle away the discomfort

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Breathe into it. The more you resist, the more intense the discomfort becomes.

Then, you will just end up staying in your head and either missing out on some fun or being aware of your gut telling you to run.

2. Don't go into the date thinking, "Will this person like me?"

Go into it thinking, "Will I like this person?" Of course, you want people to like you! We all want people to like us!

But you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try. But more importantly, how you think about yourself is way more important and much easier to control. 

I love this quote by Mel Robbins: "There will always be someone who can't see your worth, don't let it be you."

3. Don't overshare

What is oversharing you ask? Well, talking about your past relationships, in detail, or personal experiences that are really vulnerable and raw. If it is something you wouldn't want on social media, then don't share. 

I am absolutely not saying you shouldn't share because you should feel shame about your story. I am saying that painful parts of our story are for those we trust. And a few dates do not create real trust. 

Oversharing also makes the other person super uncomfortable, leaving you feeling let down. As Brene Brown points out in her book, Daring Greatly, more often than not, the consequence of oversharing is mistrust and disconnection.

4.  Don't do all of the work

Relationships are about reciprocity.  Even in the beginning.  If you are the only one setting up the dates, planning the dates, paying for the dates, you get where I am going with this, then you are the giver and the other person is the taker.  Listen to your gut.  Your body will never lie to you but your brain will.  That icky feeling in your gut is telling you something.  Set some boundaries.  Only you know what is ok with you and what isn't.  If the other person doesn't respect your boundaries and isn't will to give back, then move on!

5. Don't keep responding to texts or agree to go on more dates if you aren't interested

If you are feeling bad about hurting someone's feelings, that means you are a caring person. But, you don't have to self-sacrifice to avoid hurting others. You can say "no" without being harsh or mean. 

Most people appreciate honesty. Not brutal honestly, but authentic honesty. If they get mad or hurt, it is OK. This probably makes you uncomfortable but that doesn't make you a bad person.  ​

Now that you have an idea of things NOT to do, your anxiety may have gone down a bit.  Remember, it is ok to feel anxiety.  You are not alone.  Lean into it and have a good time.  Stay in the present and let go of expectations.  Be your authentic self and own who you are because you are always enough.  Even if you don't go past date one or three.

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Jacqueline Veal Cohen is a licensed professional counselor who works with courageous women and mothers diagnosed with ADHD, that want to live authentically, using their inherent strengths and personal values, not the unrealistic expectations of society.  You can connect with her by email at jacqueline@therapymama.com . To learn more about her practice and specialties, visit her website at www.therapymama.com or follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TherapyMama .