4 Ways To Sabotage Your Online Dating Action


Is your dating profile getting hits? Check out the reasons why it may not be working in your favor.

In the golden age of technology, online and mobile dating has become a prominent way to connect with new people. With an estimated 40 billion singles online, it has never been easier to target and meet potential love interests. At the click of a button, you can meet and possibly find the man or woman of your dreams. So why isn’t it working for you?

Let’s look at your online dating profile. People to tend to forget that a first impression is a lasting impression and if you are looking for love online, you have to make sure that the impression you leave is a good one.

Listed below are my top 4 reasons why your online dating profile may be sabotaging your love life.

1. Pictures

People want to know who they are talking to. It’s 2012 and almost every cell phone comes with a camera. There is no reason why you should not have a photo to compliment your profile. Most sites offer the option for you to make set your photo as private if you are concerned about privacy. You do have the option to pick and choose who gets to see your face.

If your profile does not have a picture on it, you give the participants on the other end the power of imagining every scenario in the world that could be wrong with you. Maybe he’s an ugly troll man with bad teeth, maybe he’s in a relationship and is cheating, or maybe he just has something to hide. People will automatically assume the worst so why not give them an idea of who you really are?

Your picture should be a nice and clear headshot. Make sure you are smiling and there is no one else in the photo. Also, save your nude photos for the sex sites. People who are serious about dating or even having a casual relationship are likely not to give you a second thought. If they do, chances are that they are only after sex. Once they get it, they will move on to the next profile. There is a time and place for everything so make sure you are acting in accordance to the websites rules.

2. Incomplete Profile

Empty profiles suck and they are annoying. It’s also a sign that maybe you are not seriously looking to connect with other singles. It’s also just plain old lazy. Take the time and craft your profile and give the people just enough to let them know what you are about and what you want.

Now I am not saying that you have to write a long winded essay telling your whole life story. The average person will spend a total of 90 seconds skimming your profile. If something grabs their attention, then they will go back and read it in detail so keep it short and sweet. Give a brief introduction, state your purpose and share some of your favorite hobbies. You will get way more responses if you just put yourself out there.

3. Communication

You know what you want and that’s great, but the way you communicate it may be coming off a bit arrogant and harsh. Have you ever seen a profile that says “no fats” or “no one over age __?” Serious online daters, no matter shape, size or age will probably avoid this profile because the person on the other end sounds like an unapproachable narcissist.

Make sure you keep your communication friendly and personable as you don’t want to alienate your potential matches by displaying a negative attitude.

Another thing you should avoid doing is turning your profile into a checklist. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but the person on the other end needs to feel engaged. The last thing you want to be compared to is a “standard operating procedure” or “grocery” list. It’s boring!

If you are interested in finding someone who is active and in good shape, try saying something like this: “I am very active and I enjoy going to the gym. It would be nice to find someone enjoys the same.” This is much more appealing that a “must be in shape” bullet point.

4. Signs of Desperation

Nobody wants damaged goods. In fact, I would say that desperation is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can have. If you are on a dating site with the hopes of meeting someone special, there are probably some intimate details that you should keep to yourself.

o Past relationships – Nobody needs to know how good or how bad your ex treated you. Nobody wants to hear a sob story about how he/she cheated on you. They also don’t want to hear how great he/she treated you because they are already being put in a position of comparison. Not only is it awkward, but it leaves the door open for people to take advantage of the weakness you are displaying. It’s a no win situation so stay away from it.

o Don’t reference your sexual behaviors – I’ll say this again, save it for a sex site. Talking about how big your penis is or how good you are in bed is distracting, unnecessary and most of the time the claims are untrue. Bottom line, it makes you look desperate for sex and it also plants the seed that it’s the only thing you may be able to contribute to a relationship. A quality match will probably be turned off and not give you a second look. If they do, you are going spend a lot of time separating yourself from that first impression.

Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based GLBT matchmaking agency. Need advice? Contact him directly via YourTango.com/experts or visit www.instigaytor.com for more info.