Reclaiming Your Vitality - The Journey


Day 10 - I am not Sure I Can Do This . . .

Today was the first day I actually am wondering if I can do this.  Today the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. 

I went to Zumba tonight.  It's been a while since I've taken a class - maybe a month or so.  I'd done Jillian Michael's Body Revolution last week, so I felt like I could handle it.  I couldn't.  It wasn't the pace or that the exercises were particularly difficult.  In fact I felt like the instructor actually toned it down a bit tonight.  And yet I have never felt more awkward and out of shape in my life.

it was like in my mind I could see myself and feel myself doing these moves, having fun and enjoying it.  And that's not what was happening.  I was tripping, off beat, and just plain awkward.  Don't get me wrong, I know sometime exercise can be awkward.  You've got to learn the moves, the timing and your muscles will retain the memory over time.  But tonight - tonight was something out of a romantic comedy. I was so awkward, that no matter how hard I tried I just felt worse.  My core was weak, my thighs were weak, my gluts were weak.  It felt like my strength was leaving my body.  The more I tried to tighten my form, the more awkward I felt.

And the worst thing of all, my stomach.  It was like an entirely different body part that wasn't connected to me.  Like a back pack I kept having to move around because it was in the way.  Not only that, I was in pain.  Not muscular pain, but pain from the inside out, feeling nauseated, or bloated and crampy.  I can't even describe the feeling other than full and sick.

Today was the first day I actually thought there might be something wrong; I mean really wrong with me that can't be remedied by extreme self care.  Today, I wondered if I shouldn't get more professional help or stick to my plan, my 30 day trial.  Today, I felt scared.  Today I felt sad.  Today, I felt defeated.

I am hoping that tomorrow will be better.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.