Move from Online to Dating Like a Rock Star


5 Tips to Get You Off the Site and On a Date!

For those of you that know me, you know I hate to complain. I’d rather be part of the solution rather than the problem any day and twice on Sunday. So rather than a litany of what frustrates women about online dating, I am going to give MEN 5 things you can do IMMEDIATELY that will change your online dating results.

It is not for the faint hearted. It does involve you being in “action”; in other words, you are going to have to “get on the court” and actually play like you are in it, to win it rather than hide behind technology. It’s going to be risky, just like when you meet a woman in person, you are definitely going to be more vulnerable. And you may get more “Nos,” but I guarantee you will get MORE “Yeses” too! Besides you guys are tough – I think you can handle it. ;)

So gentlemen, it’s time to get some hair on your peaches and sound-off like you have a set. Women -- confident, sexy women -- want to date a man who isn’t afraid to declare his interest and follow through with action. There is nothing that turns a woman on more than a man who knows what he wants, and what he wants is her! And even sexier, is a man actually leading the relationship, a man actually taking action to express his interest in ways that move the interaction forward. Notice the guy who always gets the girl is generally confident about himself as a man, and definitely confident about his interest in her. Even if he gets shot down, it doesn't alter his confidence in himself and sometimes it doesn't even sway his interest in her. And there are many ladies who will tell you it was his "persistence" that won them in the end.

That said, I am not advocating you become a confident but determined internet stalker - that's just scary. I am saying hold your ground about your genuine interest in her -  even online. It conveys through your action and can be very attractive if done with confidence, respect, and a bit of personal style.

1 – Say More Than “Hi”. Gentlemen . . . "HI" works if you are meeting face to face. Walking up to a woman and saying “Hi” and waiting for her to say “Hi” back is straight forward in-person because presumably, you made eye contact, had a couple of longing looks and you “know” she’s interested. Online it falls flat. And if you are 1 out of 100 “Hellos” in the queue, there is nothing about this message that will make you stand out unless you are exceptionally HOT - and that's if she even bothers to look at your profile burried 57 deep in a pile of "Hi-s". And unless you are on a site specifically about “hooking up,” or her profile specifically indicates that is her interest, most women are on these sites to date, and cultivate a relationship, so opening with anything overtly sexual generally speaking will not get you the results you seek either.

Side note - if it comes to a choice between "overtly sexual" and "sort of sexual" personally speaking I'll take overt. At least I know where I stand.  And a overtly sexual line delivered in a clever manner will get you a response.

Weak, pick-uppy lines like “Damn, your fine!” -- “Do you sell fries with that,” and “Hey Sexy Lady,” just get deleted. It feels trite, and lazy. Like you just looked at my pic, and said the first thing that came to mind without bothering to read my profile, but that's me, and I digress . . .

Actually read the women's profile and find something that genuinely interests you about her. And if there is nothing that interests you about her other than the fact that she’s hot, maybe you should move along. Men that read my profile and take the time to drop me a line regarding what’s written there always get a response, especially the ones that put something clever in the subject line. It doesn’t have to be William Shakespeare just something that says you are paying attention. WOMEN LIKE TO BE NOTICED. My profile indicates my interest in adventure, salsa, and cooking. I’ve had guys comment on my sky diving pictures which really impresses me because I don’t say anything about that in my profile, it’s something they “noticed” about me.

Some of the simplest lines got me to open the email things like “Wow – sky diving you did that?” or “We should cook together ;)” or “I love salsa!” I felt like immediately we would have something in common AND they were paying attention. Even if I read the profile and they didn’t seem like the kind of guy I would usually go out with, I would still engage him. Sometimes the best dates and relationships are with people who aren’t “your type.” And a guy who grabs my attention with a great opening line is definitely worth engaging.

2 – Ask for Her Number. After a couple of emails, ask her for the digits. Women come to the site to get acquainted with a man in person. Now I know some women aren’t comfortable with giving the number right off, but let her tell you that. Ask respectfully and offer your number if that makes her feel better. When I coach men I tell them say “You’re cool. Let’s chat. Can I have your number, or if you feel more comfortable call me. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX," or some version of this. Why does this work? You've manned-up and ASKED for her number -- that’s masculine, intentional, and shows interest. AND you addressed her comfort and concerns about meeting men online. We feel respected and taken care of. You are LEADING! It feels good to be around a man who not only has the confidence to ask for what he wants, but is not callous about it either. He’s actually doesn’t care how we connect as long as we actually connect and is willing to do what it takes to make that happen and honor my need for comfort. Side note -- once a woman has made a connection, we want to get off the site. We’d much rather deal with you directly than deal with eHarmony, or Match to get to you. After all I don’t think either of us got on the site for a pen pal.

3 – Call – Don’t Text. The worst thing a guy can do is get a woman’s number and then text her to death. Women complain about this all the time. It makes sense in the grander scheme of things since generally women like to talk more than men. However, in the initial stages talking/connecting it’s critical. Most women complain that guys get their number either only text or never make contact at all. If you have the number, she wants you to call. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but it’s feels weak and honestly, a bit weird to have a man send you this great email, ask for your number and then only send text messages. We just don’t get that!

4 – Ask Her Out. If you’ve talked once or twice, and you are enjoying the conversation, enjoying woman, escalate and ask her out. It shouldn’t take more than one or two conversations to know if you actually want to be in her company for an hour or two. And if you can’t make up your mind, you probably don’t and that’s ok too. But seriously, no women goes go through the trouble of getting on an online dating site to have a lengthy conference calls. And be honest, neither did you.

5 – Be Straight. At some point in this dialogue or on the date, what you want is bound to be a topic of conversation. Keep it real. Most women are ok with the guy telling her what he wants, so long as he’s given her the opportunity to say what she wants as well and she gets to choose. Don’t pretend you want a relationship right up until you ejaculate and then all of a sudden, you just don’t want to get serious. I’ve heard many women say if a man just said what he wanted in the beginning it would have been cool, but making her think he wanted what she wanted just get laid, or get his laundry done, or simply not be alone on a Friday night is manipulative. In this day and age it is acceptable for women to want sex as much as men. And I think if you are straight about your wants in that regard, you might actually get more of what you want than when you are manipulative. Let’s face it guys (and gals too if it applies) nobody likes being played. It makes you feel foolish, embarrassed. Just be straight and “own” your intention. Then where you two choose to go with one another is up to you. There are plenty of people that have a “defined relationship or arrangement” while they wait, or search for their “soul-mate.” And there’s nothing wrong with that. The deal only goes sour when you pretend something you’re not. It’s dishonest,  mean, and dick-ish.

Honestly, it’s pretty easy to get a date online if you actually come to the table acknowledge you want a date and take action to that end. Hanging out writing endless emails and texting, leaves you dateless, sexless, and starved for human affection.
If you are willing to step up to the plate and take a little bit of risk, your reward will be greater than if you continue hiding behind technology. Instead of hiding behind technology, like most men, be that guy that stands out and actually requests the presence of the lady in question. In this techy world of email, IM, texting, and Skpe, nothing stands out more than a man who is confident enough in himself to actually meet a woman face-to-face.

Coach Ivy is a Life Strategist and Dating/Relationship coach. If you are interested in exploring a opportunity to connect with Coach Ivy in person schedule your Confidential Coaching Consult at or call 410.997.0272.