CHEATING SIGNS: PART II
1.Women are more skilled in relationships.
This gives them a huge advantage when it comes to reading signs of infidelity or hiding their own. As John Gray points out in his bestselling book series “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” we are naturally more adept and more interested in people and in social interactions; men are more interested in things and in competition. According to Dr. Gray, on Venus, “everyone has at least a master’s degree in psychology” and talks endlessly about relationships, analyzing every detail of an interaction. On Mars, men are more interested in rough play and tinkering with gadgets. This makes sense, as they are the hunter-warriors, the providers and protectors. Women are the natural nurturers and community-builders. We were designed to be aware of the minutest changes in our offspring, so we can tend to their needs and ensure their health and survival. We are the nest defenders when the men are away on the hunt, so we have to be aware of the tiniest clues of imminent danger, or of anything suspicious. As the principle nurturers of our families and communities, we know when someone isn’t feeling well or when there’s tension between two people. We know instinctually when the dynamic of a relationship has changed, so we are better equipped to cover our tracks if we are the ones with something to hide.
2. Women are better at reading non-verbal cues.
This is what inspired the cliché about women’s intuition. While it’s been widely documented that women are very intuitive, perhaps more so than men, it’s our ability to pick up on physical signals and to interpret them accurately that makes us appear to be almost psychic and therefore, makes it easier for us to hide any indiscretions. To borrow a poker expression, women are better at reading “tells.” Study after study has demonstrated these differences begin at birth in our brain chemistry and continue to manifest throughout our adult lives. Studies also show that women are able to read people more accurately, and they have a greater degree of sophistication in reading subtle differences in facial expressions and body language. Researchers noted that men often confused one expression for another. For instance, a male shown a picture of a person with a neutral expression would mistake the person as being angry or worried. In another example, a woman who was shown pictures of relaxed facial expressions with very minute differences understood the distinctions accurately. This skill is enormously advantageous to covering up infidelity.
3. Women are more empathic.
Because women are the primary nurturers of the family, they are more tuned into the inner life, moods and private thoughts of others. This makes them better at being devious when it comes to understanding and anticipating their partner’s responses to their behavior. It makes women better equipped to manipulate others to do what they want and to control a situation to their design.
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4. Women are better at multitasking.
The picture of the modern housewife doing five things at once is not uncommon. On the other hand, a man likes to focus on one thing at a time; don’t bother him while he’s trying to fix the car or hooking up the Xbox. Dr. Herb Goldberg states in his book “The New Male Female Relationship,” that this is due to the fact that both hemispheres of the female brain have more connections than the male brain. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Primitive man had to be very single-minded when stalking prey or fending off predators. His female counterpart had to tend to varied tasks like raising the children, keeping the home, gathering nuts and berries and maintaining a strong connection to the tribe. In addition, due to our natural predisposition toward relationship skills, we are better at keeping track of details like what we said to whom or what we did on a particular day. This makes it easier for us to keep track of lies and deception, and to keep them hidden
5. Women are more complex.
In his book “What Works with Men,” Dr. A. Justin Sterling observes that men are elegantly simple, like a Mack truck. Women are endlessly complex, like a Ferrari. Men stay the same. They figure if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Women are constantly changing and growing. What makes them happy one day may not work for them another day, which leaves their male partner baffled and left wondering “What do women want?!” Combined with a man’s lack of social sophistication, he is hopelessly clueless that anything out of the ordinary is happening in his marriage, let alone able to accurately ascertain what it is or what to do about it. As Dr. Sterling notes, “It’s like a gorilla doing brain surgery.” Her moods change, her needs change, her sensitivities are so easily touched off by any number of influences. If a woman’s behavior changes or becomes erratic, it’s hard for a man to even notice. It’s par for the course. He can’t tell whether it’s due to her time of the month or a sad movie or a hard day. Her ups and downs are normal. He simply can’t rely on her behavioral cues, like a woman can with a man, to tell if she’s cheating.
6. Men are slaves to their egos.
A man tends to have an over-inflated sense of self. This tunnel vision makes him miss the obvious signs of cheating. According to Dr. Sterling, a man is built for performance. He has to take orders from his ego, which tells him he is the top dog, king of the hill, master of the universe. As the breadwinner, a man has to go out and compete in the world. Listening to his ego is necessary to help him win. A woman, on the other hand, is able to ignore her ego and listen to the voice of her feminine self, which tells her to yield to her mate’s ego and support the needs of the relationship. In this light, it would be hard for a man to even conceive that his spouse might be cheating on him, since his ego is constantly feeding his fantasies of how invincible and superior he is to all other men. Even if he were to notice any signs of infidelity, he would be inclined to ignore or disbelieve them.
7. Men are more independent.
A man’s natural need for more space and distance in a relationship creates a perfect vacuum for a woman to stray. He is too busy to notice. Countless studies have shown that as babies, little boys showed more independence and autonomy in problem-solving, whereas little girls looked around for help and knew instinctively who would be receptive to giving them the help they needed. Often, he’s involved in his own infidelities. Or, like the typical alpha male, he’s so focused on his career and getting that corner office, he’s simply not around to catch his wife looking for love elsewhere.
Relationship Coach Shanna J.
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This article was originally published at How To Get The Woman of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.