Are You & Your Partner More Like Roommates Than Lovers?


What to do when you and your partner are more like roommates than lovers.

In the Roommates Relationship, you and your man are living more like roommates than lovers. Although you were intimate at one point in your relationship, now you’re tense and awkward whenever you’re in the same room. You’re both deeply uncomfortable with the state of your relationship, but too afraid to address your issues. To fill the silence you talk about logistics and plans, but any intimacy, laughter, or even anger left the relationship a long time ago.

If this sounds like your relationship, it’s my professional opinion that you should seek a coach or therapist to help you get to the root cause of the problem and fix what’s broken. I understand the desire to try and fix your relationship on your own, but in my experience it’s most effective to seek outside assistance for help with the roommates relationship.

Having said that, I do have some advice that you can put into action right away to get your relationship back on track. To get started, acknowledge the problem with your partner and see what solutions you can come up with together. For example, if any kind of intimacy feels awkward because it’s been so long since you’ve been together in that way, you could say something like:

“I think we’re just a little out of practice. What if start making our relationship a priority again? What do you think about spending some time each evening just cuddling and talking, without the TV on?”

If he agrees, then take baby steps toward getting intimate again. Start with holding hands, and when that feels comfortable, progress to cuddling. When cuddling starts to feel like second nature again, try kissing, and eventually work your way up to sex. The trick is to take this slow, and don’t try to rush into sex right away, because you might not like the results.

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This article was originally published at Make Up or Break Up. Reprinted with permission from the author.