What It Really Means When A Polyamorist Man Says 'I Love You'


Is it reasonable to imagine that all our needs can be met by one individual?

Love wouldn't restrict two people into the limitation of a finite relationship. We don't assume that love to a child is lost because another has been born, so neither should it be for a man's love for another woman.

​This is what it means when a polyamorist man says, "I love you":

"You are mine and I am yours, and hers. There may be others, but they don't affect my love and tender feelings for you — except when I'm with her, or worrying about the well-being of another."

"I love her as I love you. She's special and you understand how wonderful that is, because you're special and you would want another to feel such specialness. I love you. I give all of myself to you, and to her."

"When you desire closeness, I will be there — except when I'm with her. When you're suffering, I will support you — except during the times when her call for support is more insistent, then I will be with her."

"When you're in pain or need of protection, I will stand between you and what threatens you — except when I'm tending to her needs for passion, affection or a crisis in her life."

"Because you're not jealous you won't need to wonder where I am, nor will I wonder where you are. The smell or taste of another man or woman on our partner won't affect us, nor will the knowledge that thousands of dollars have gone into vacations, gifts or support for someone else or their children."

"If I'm unavailable or financially incapable of support because of something I've chosen to do with another, you will celebrate her good fortune and find support from other sources of love in life."

"We are both free. Love has no boundaries or limitations.  We are free of jealousy, and the greatest sign of our spiritual enlightenment is our willingness to not claim ownership of any part of another."

"If there's an accident, illness, death or financial crisis, all the adults from the many relationships will come together to sort out who will be responsible for each other and the children. It will take some consideration to determine who's connected to what degree and what that means legally, financially and parentally, but *love* will guide us."

Monogomy isn't about restricting ones self — it's about taking the time to find someone who has the ability to meet us on all levels and the maturity to be counted on even in the most challenging circumstances. Reality, not jealousy, is the basis of our desire for monogamy.