Why Your Dating and Your Career Problems are One and the Same


Ladies, we have all been there. Staring at the computer. Wondering if THIS guy will be creepy, or actually turn out to be sane. Or at least not be wearing a bad toupee and pretending that he didn’t use his college photo as his profile shot *sigh.*

Or, we’ve been staring at the computer, wondering if THIS assignment is going to break us, and if we actually have the nerve to get up, walk away from our desks, and dive into some other job…FINALLY.

We lie awake at night, wondering if we will ever find our true love (man) or our true place (career) in life. And it is exhausting. Tiring. Draining. And just plain frustrating.

Have you been there?

Well, I’m here to tell you that you are NOT alone.  In fact, your dating problems and your career problems could be more similar than you think.

Most of our success both at work and in love are due to our own attitudes, our unconscious beliefs, and the energy we are giving off.  Have you ever walked into a room feeling awkward in your own skin, hating your legs/thighs/hair/bad eye makeup (why did I use so much eyeliner? WHY??!!) and then, no surprise – your date does not go well. The guy at the bar does not meet your eye. And you end up at home, with yet another bag of pita chips?

Or, you walk into a meeting at work, feeling self-conscious, stressed out, anxious, or frustrated. And again, no surprise but you don’t get the result that you want. The promotion does not happen. The raise does not come through, or you just don’t feel like you were heard or understood? Maybe you feel lost, like you shouldn’t be there, or stuck, like you somehow got trapped in a job that just doesn’t fit you anymore.

Meanwhile, the confident girl at the bar with a devil-may-care glint in her eye and fun laugh is getting all of the attention (including from your date) and your co-worker who just seems to always have it together gets yet another kudos from your boss, or worse yet, leaves to pursue their dream career…leaving you feeling even more stuck.

So much of  success is determined by attitude and your beliefs about yourself.  It makes sense really, because what we think and believe turns into action, habit, and then our whole future.  The only problem? It’s really hard to shine a light on yourself and figure it out.

So, Step 1: Take a deep breath, and ask yourself what negative thoughts you might have at the moment.

Step 2: Identify those thoughts, and then separate them from yourself.

Step 3: Tell those thoughts to take a seat at the bar (picture them pulling up a barstool, and maybe ordering a shot. Or a beer – whatever your thoughts are really wild about drinking) away from you.

Step 4: Tell yourself something nice and positive (“My lipstick is fabulous!” “I did prepare for this meeting.” “I can do anything I want to do, I’ve always made my own way.”)

Step 5: Take another deep breath (this always relaxes you!) And move out.

Now sometimes it isn’t that easy — so if you need someone else to point out some of your negative mind-traps, then ask a friend, co-worker, or a friendly ex boyfriend.  Or, sign yourself up for my assessment and peer into my crystal ball to learn more about what you don’t know about yourself, and how to make a change! Seriously – friends don’t let friends feel bad about themselves, so try the steps and get some help. You CAN do this. I know you can.

Good luck!!


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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.