Are You Experiencing Déjà Vu Dating

Love, Self

Feel like you are dating the same type of person over and over? Is it déjà vu or is it you?

Déjà vu, the feeling that you have experienced a similar situation before, happens to all of us. We walk into a new restaurant and it feels familiar. Someone says something to you and you know that you have heard them say the same exact thing to you previously. Feeling like you are reliving a moment in time can be eery. It reminds of us the comedy Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray where his character lives the same day repeatedly.

If you have ever found yourself saying, "he's just like all the other guys I've gone out with" or "all men are the same", it may not be a case of déjà vu, it may be déjà you. It could be time for you to reevaluate the things you are doing to attract men. Yes, believe it or not, part of who you are drawing to you has to do with what you are and are not putting out there. 

Is there a local hotspot that you frequent every weekend? Are you Norm at your local Cheers? If you aren't meeting men that you find suitable to date there, it's time to go somewhere new. That doesn't mean the place across the street. Go outside of your routine and try places you have never been before. Different places, different faces - you might find one you like. 

When you go out are you often with the same group of friends? If so, dump them.  Often, our friends can serve two purposes. They can be the date bait that we need or the male repellent we could live without. Do you have one friend who attracts men like ants to a picnic and another who has a sour look on her face as if she's downwind from a sewer plant? Men pick up on the vibe of a group rather than just one person. If he senses that approaching the herd may cause him to get bucked, he's probably not going to do it. Choose your wingwomen wisely. 

Do you have an online dating profile and a majority of the guys that you have chosen to go on dates with were less than what you hoped for? Then, it's time to update your profile and change the type of guy you are looking to meet. You can start small and expand the search field for the desired age range or you can go big and change religion, marital status and race. The choice is up to you. Online dating is the international buffet of dating. It's okay to try a dish you've never had before. 

It's also important to recognize what similarities the guys that you have been dating have in common. Do they say they will call and never do? Do they make promises that they do not keep? Do they have a history of cheating on you or someone else? Do they leave the cap off the toothpaste? Understanding what it is that "they all do" will better help you determine what you don't want from the right person in your life.

What are you doing or not doing that may need changing? Do you play passive when you really are more outspoken? Do you try to be a goody two shoes when you're really a she devil in a red dress? If you aren't being your true self when you are finding Mr. Right, you will keep attracting Mr. Wrong. Strive to be the best version of yourself. Save your alternate ego for Halloween. 

If you feel like you have been on an endless cycle of Groundhog Day dates, break the déjà vu pattern. Leave the dark shadows of your love life behind you. Be like the weather predicting groundhog "Punxsutawney Phil" and plan for an early spring. Plant the seeds now for a new dating crop of men. Someone wonderful just may pop up. 

Contributed by Kimberly James, MatchMaster & Dating Expert,