4 Ways Divorce Can (Finally!) Bring You Joy

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happiness after divorce
Love, Heartbreak

Yes, really!

Most of my clients recount divorce as a time of deep introspection and heartbreak. It's important to note, though, they're not always talking about the divorce process itself.

In fact, it's often the marriage during the months or years leading up to a divorce that causes them such profound sadness.

What these clients report is how incredibly lonely it felt for them being in a troubled marriage and that they finally reached a point when they realized that the only reasons they were together had to do with preserving their family roles and sharing finances.

It was when they resigned themselves to get divorced that the loneliness first began to subside.

RELATED: You Can Be Happy After Divorce (If You Don't Do These 13 Things)

And as that loneliness and heartbreak subside, it becomes easier to see just how much divorce can actually bring joy.

Here are 4 reasons why you can find happiness after divorce:

1. You’ll stop treading water and wasting time.

One of my clients found herself experiencing varying degrees of misery for five years before deciding to divorce her spouse. I would like to tell you that the instant she made her decision, the clouds cleared and her spirits lifted.

Realistically speaking, her choice marked only the beginning of a trying and painful dissolution. However, I'm happy also to report life eventually improved for all of those involved. A lot.  

2. You can finally stop faking it.

Breaking up a family can be a bit like creating a crack in an opaque shade; through that crack, bits of light can begin to shine. These rays become a manifestation of hope, hope for a better life, a happier life, one for you to decide at a stage when you are older and wiser.

Such power can bring tremendous joy after suffering through a lonely marriage and subsequent painful divorce.

Joy is sparked by the vast contrast between life in a lousy marriage compared to life after removing yourself from that bad relationship. Often when a marriage fails, there are profound differences between the husband and wife concerning how they choose to live their lives.

Financial decisions, parenting decisions, and minor everyday choices like what to have for dinner can turn into explosive, painful controversies for the couple going through it and all those around them, including their children.

RELATED: 10 Happy Reminders Of Why Divorce Is Sometimes A Beautiful Thing

3. With a fresh perspective, you can re-discover your kids. 

When a couple chooses to divorce, children can become quite a source of joy for their parents as they explore a new relationship between them. While children may initially feel devastated by the news, they usually come to embrace hope when the atmosphere in the household changes for the better.

Previously, there may have been an undercurrent of hostility. Once their parents make the decision to part ways and the father or mother moves out, the children can begin to enjoy time with each of their parents separately that isn't dominated and ruined by anger.

They eventually develop "Dad things" and "Mom things" they enjoy doing individually with each of their parents. As a consequence, the parents tend to become closer to their children by being the sole caretaker at different times in the children's lives.

Making parenting decisions in an already strained marriage can bring about even more tension.

Following a divorce, many exes enjoy a meeting of the minds regarding significant parenting issues and refuse to involve themselves with minor problems that occur when the children are with the other parent. Doing so leads to happier children overall as everyone gets used to consistent rules, despite them varying in each household.

4. Be the master of your own money.

Financial stress and disagreements about spending are yet another cause of pressure in a lot of marriages. Divorce enables couples to make their own decisions about spending and choose how they prioritize expenditures for their children and themselves.

Separation can offer individuals a sense of being the master of their destiny and may be unlike anything they ever felt during the marriage, ultimately bringing about feelings of happiness in the absence of fighting.

As the lyrics of the 1950’s Marilyn Monroe song "When Love Goes Wrong, Nothing Goes Right" imply, sometimes ending the most challenging situation can lead to the most joyful aftermath.

When it comes to divorce, the primary source of joy is often in the newfound freedom to be happy.  

RELATED: 5 Reasons My Divorce Made Me So Much Happier

Erin Levine is the Founder & CEO of Hello Divorce, a ‘Modern Break Up Service’ that offers a fresh, streamlined and less institutional (read: more humane) way to separate.