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Ignore these and allow communication with your partner to design the perfect relationship for you.
By Eric Williams
Last updated on Jan 10, 2024
Many relationship experts offer bad relationship tips that, if followed, could lead to unhealthy relationships, divorce, and heartbreak.
And some, despite not being in a relationship, still believe they can coach you into the perfect relationship with your soulmate, all for the low price of a few minutes (or hours) of your time.
However, your partner is the only relationship expert who can teach you how to meet their needs.
Here are six relationship tips to ignore for a healthy, lasting relationship
1. Just wait for your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet
Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet is a romantic notion, but what does it mean?!
Can you forego college and your career now because you know he’s coming?
What are the attributes of this guy that make him so charming?
Is he an adventurous guy with a perfectly chiseled body, nice teeth, a 7-figure income, and every word out of his mouth is about how great you are?
Instead of waiting for perfection, search for compatibility.
Know who you are and your purpose in life before you allow anyone to sweep you off your feet.
Photo via Getty
2. Be prepared to do a lot yourself
Low expectations plague plenty of relationships.
Do you know a person in a relationship who cooks, cleans, bathes the kids, and pays the bills to make sure it’s done perfectly?
That person suffers from low expectations and will burn out while experiencing bitterness and resentment.
Be prepared to invest a lot of effort to make your relationship work. This is different than expecting to do all the domestic work without help.
Healthy relationships share responsibilities. Be firm and communicate how you’d like to divide up responsibilities.
This is the conversation to have before you decide to live together.
3. "A woman is supposed to (insert stereotype)" or "Real men (insert stereotype)"
You can thank society for this. And this is the problem with basing your relationship off the larger society.
Defining the functional roles of both of you based on what others say is a recipe for disaster.
Just because your mom cooked all the meals or your dad was the only one to pay the bills doesn’t mean you and your partner have to replicate this.
Roles are necessary but should never be presupposed.
Discuss roles and expectations, and embrace a flexible perspective for the benefit of your relationship.
4. You shouldn’t have to tell them what you need; if they love you, they’ll know
Imagine if your partner could read your thoughts like Professor Xavier from the X-Men.
They knew every thought you had about them, their parents, best friend, or that co-worker you both know.
Indeed, you wouldn't have to tell them how to love you, but would they want to based on all they know?
Thank God they can’t. Don’t expect them to read your mind.
It is unrealistic to think they will be able to love you the way you need to be loved without giving them minimal coaching.
Your needs will evolve forever, and your spouse will not know without some guidance.
5. Since your father wasn’t around, you will have issues with men
This isn’t necessarily true. Not all fathers in the home provide the best example for various reasons like mental health issues, underdeveloped parenting strategies, overworking, etc.
This statement makes a few incorrect conclusions.
- Your man will be flawless while you’re the only one with flaws
- Your dad is the only person who can teach you to love (not your faith or mom or your man)
- You are doomed to being single until you have a better relationship with your father.
Bad relationships are formed because of poor values and unequally yoked spirits.
Though a father figure can model what you want to find in a spouse, life experiences and self-actualization are the true teachers.
6. You shouldn’t talk about serious topics too early; wait until you’re engaged or married
If you don’t have serious conversations when you are dating, how can you expect to know who your spouse will be?
You must discuss finances, kids, disciplining children, vacation ideas, will in-laws ever come live with you, etc.
I’m not saying discuss these topics during your first date, but if you are considering marriage, you should have a good idea about their views before saying "I do."
Your friends and family love you. They want you to succeed in your relationship.
They believe you deserve happiness with a steady partner alongside you.
Maintain your relationship with them, love them, and value their input.
Remember, the advice may sound great and convincing, but it did not originate with you in mind.
In other words, instead of receiving advice tailored to you and your partner, you’re receiving advice designed with someone else in mind.
And what worked for them doesn't mean it will work for you.
Allow communication with your partner to design the relationship.
May you both enjoy the longevity of a healthy relationship.
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Dr. Eric Williams is a counselor and marriage and family therapist specializing in both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships who helps individuals and couples reconnect with their inner selves and partners.