Love and Manipulations

Holding Hands

Two sides of the same coin

Brian was a 6’4, physical very fit muscled seventeen old young man from Toronto. Most people would call him tough and intimidating and he would scare people off just with his presence. His Problem:  He didn’t know how love felt, because he hadn’t received it at home. He spent his life on the streets always in some kind of trouble. His Solution: When he experienced the feeling of love  he began to look at love through a different set of eyes and began to realize what he had been missing all these years. He transitioned from waiting for it to happen to taking action and giving it...for the first time in his life with a simple mind shift...Brian now loves.. 

In the first seven years of our life, the foundation of our beliefs and perspectives are being formed. When we grow up we often don't realize where exactly our thinking patron originate from, let alone recognize the effect old believes have on our daily life. The perception we have of "Love" is taught by and through our parents and the society we grew up in. When we don't follow the "rules" we get punished by withholding the love we otherwise receive. The rules can contain of:

It is not appropriate the wear "that" (how "that" is defined by where you live).
Not having turkey for Christmas dinner is wrong.
Not following the protocol at your wedding day.
Children can never have a tantrum. If they do you are a bad parent.
Not taking your parents advice is practically a sin.

Withholding love is the most powerful tool for manipulation, and is more used then we are aware of. We all heard of and hopefully experienced unconditional love. This love is the silent support you get from somebody regardless what you think, say or do. We feel safe, understood and not judged, we feel free and appreciated. Sometimes we have to think back to relate to those feelings, and when we pay attention we discover that our closest connection gives us the unconditional love and support.    

Some of us like Brian had a really tough childhood, and never experienced any form of love, only manipulation. For all of us but especially for them it is very important to discover what is needed to make us feel safe, understood and appreciated, because then we are able to fully give love without restrictions to others. Love always start within us; when we don't feel it, we can't give it. Therefore self-love is the most important one, without that we and everybody around us suffer greatly in life.        

What forms of "love" manipulation do you noticed around you?   

Ellen Nyland is a life coach and author of the book Life is Great Even When it SucksContact her for information on the ins and outs on unconditional love.  

This article was originally published at Ellen Nyland. Reprinted with permission from the author.