Elizabeth Patterson, ACC, CPC, MA - Expert

For 15 years, I lived--quite literally--with an elephant in the center of the room. To most, it was a piece of carved ceramic in our family room. But to me, this guy was extraordinary.

When I brought him home the first time, I carried him in like a 50 lb. baby and strategically placed him where everyone could enjoy. At Christmas, Easter, Halloween and birthday’s, he proudly sported the decorations of the season: Santa hats, chocolates, easier eggs, goblins and birthday balloons became the norm.

This wonderful creature celebrated every nuance of our family's life while resting squarely in the center of our most popular room.

As my children grew, the elephant was often pushed aside to make way for feet on the coffee table or to have an elephant-free view of the TV...smelly lacrosse clothes hung over his back, soggy popcorn and countless beverages spilled at his feet.

The elephant rested quite peacefully in the same spot for the next 8 years. Unfortunately, I rested in the same spot too, only not so peacefully.

Late one evening as I sat bone-tired on the couch, relishing the rare quiet of the house, it suddenly struck me, “I’ve literally got an elephant in MIDDLE of the room!

As we stared at one another in total silence, his thoughts filled my head…”I’ve been sitting here witnessing you and this spectacle, lady, for over five years now--who do you think you’re kidding???”

While from the outside we were two parents, three boys, two standard poodles and three cats—living a charmed life in a gorgeous, rural setting, the inside, however, told another story.

The truth? I was living under the thumb of a verbally abusive alcoholic. GPS tracked my car and phone; my passwords were routinely hacked; keystroke spy software had been covertly down loaded on my computer; and private detectives traced my every step.

Meanwhile, I routinely beat myself up asking,…”How did I manage to mess up SO badly?”

Good grades? Check. Good SAT scores? Check. Competitive college? Check. Internships. Graduate school. Job. Marriage. Children. I had followed the book.

The real question was, "Who am I, and where did Elizabeth go?"

The answer? She had disappeared into a dark abyss of “should’s,” “supposed-to’s,” and “what-if’s.”

His words haunted me… “You will never, ever be able to get away from me…no matter what you do…and besides, no one would want you anyway. You’ve been branded.”

Our evenings were like a bad rerun. The front door banged shut. The footsteps methodically entered the kitchen. The left hand reached for the cabinet handle, the hinge creaking from wear, while the right grabbed a double old-fashioned. The “cling” of the ice cubes hit the crystal and the alcohol splashed down. This scene often ended with a body passed out somewhere, possibly in a major pathway we would all have to step over the next morning at 6 a.m.

My own shame, however, was the worst part. It had poisoned my spirit and infested the lives of everyone I touched. As the elephant stared me down that night, I knew I needed an exit plan.

Flash Forward 8 Years…

I was sitting in my car in the grocery store parking lot at 8:30a.m. on a brutally hot August morning, unsure whether it was the humidity in the air or the voice on the phone causing beads of sweat pouring from my skin.

This was not my typical 10-minute trip to the grocery.

As I listened to a confidant of my husband’s describe my husband’s financial ruin, my mind went numb. Countless creditors, loan defaults, dead business deals, angry partners, lies, fraud accusations—every bit of it concealed. What was for 7 years described as a "cash flow problem" turned out to be our financial version of the Titanic.  

I had mustered the courage to take my boys and move out just months before. Now it was clear I was a tad late in making this decision.

What could I have salvaged if I had acted sooner? How much suffering? How much of my own dignity?

When confronted just days later, my husband looked our three children squarely in eyes and casually said, “see you in a week.” Two years later, my children are still waiting for his return.

Mine is a story of how not trusting your own inner wisdom can be one of the gravest mistakes you will ever make.

My message to you...CALL OUT THE ELEPHANT!

Listen to your inner wisdom, the voice inside telling you, you were meant for more. When you turn down the volume on this voice, you also risk silencing opportunity, possibility and even long-term happiness.

When you follow your instinct, you have the potential to bring your whole self to your relationships, to your work and to everything you do.  

Today, my elephant still lives with us. But today, however, he is a symbol of strength and transparency. Today this majestic beast is an ever-present reminder of how gorgeous and magnificent life can be when you allow own brilliant intuition to guide you.

If you've got your own elephant in the room, take action. It may feel like an insurmountable challenge. But more than likely, it's grand opportunity in disguise.