Debunking Myths About Dating

Love, Self

They are just sayings. Stop living by them.

Each person you meet along the dating path has unique personality traits, desirable and undesirable. Giving yourself the time to get to know them enables you to sort them out.

Don't blame a new friend for old miseries. No matter how bad your history has been, you don't have to re-create it. You can learn to interact in different ways, and to correct problems that come up. This guide is about dating correctly and successfully. If you feel out of control and unable to follow the guidelines here, you may need to work with a counselor to make the necessary changes, just as you might work with a personal trainer to correct and improve your workouts, or a nutritionist to evaluate and correct your diet.

If your background was dysfunctional and toxic, or your previous partners have been abusive or addictive, you may need to be suspicious of your first choices. That is, because of your early experience, you may be "conditioned" to be attracted to a particular character flaw. That is, the people you automatically are drawn to, and feel comfortable with initially, may be exactly the people you should stay away from. If you know this about yourself, and can resist the pull of the dysfunction, you can meet other, better people to date. If you have trouble changing this focus, counseling can help.

We're all in the same boat. Everyone who faces dating as an adult has similar worries and insecurities. It's a return of adolescent feelings from your first dating experiences. If you're feeling bad about yourself, it's probably because you're feeling:

  • Vulnerable
  • Like a Loser
  • Afraid of Rejection
  • Awkward, Unacceptable

If so, here's a simple truth to keep in mind: Everyone feels equally insecure about dating again. Some hide it better than others, some have been dating longer, and have become less nervous, but everyone has been through it.

If you present a friendly, pleasant demeanor and you are open to getting to know people, they will be relieved and pleased. Here is the perfect place to practice the Golden Rule — treat others exactly as you would like to be treated, and you will have plenty of good responses.

Each new situation will produce the above list of qualms, but keep in mind you're there to make friends. Find the safest-looking person in the room, and chat with them. You'll feel better, and then you can move on to greeting others. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation with new acquaintances, you will relax, and your anxieties will be forgotten.

© Tina Tessina 2014 Adapted from: The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, soon to be released as the updated Dr. Romance's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.