How To (Re)Ignite the Romance


Has the romance in your relationship fallen by the wayside? Here's how to get it back!

Say What You Need to Say

I can not count the number of times I have I heard, “But, she knows I love her…I married her.” or “He knows how I feel.”

Communication, as we all know, is a B-I-G D-E-A-L in relationships…the biggest. But, life happens and we forget. We become complacent. We assume that some things are understood. Then there are things that should have been said, that weren’t and things that never should have been said.

Fear. Wasted pride. Broken faith. Pent up frustrations. Unresolved conflict. So-called problems. All reasons we don’t communicate effectively.

My philosophy is that in the end, it's better to say too much--with your heart wide open--than never to say what you need to say. (Thanks John Mayer)

It’s true that both women and men want more romance and emotional connection with their mates. However, most men are reluctant to talk about it because they have not been socialized to see intimacy that way. And, women often over-compensate by doing all of the communicating (which is often interpreted as nagging. Yikes!)

Your goal is to be open and honest, to share fully, to receive wholeheartedly…and to use all forms of communication to up the romantic ante!

Say It and Do It Over and Over and Over Again

The important messages and themes in your relationship must be communicated over and over. And, the purpose is not just to hear yourself talk. The purpose is to plant an idea in your mate’s mind.

Here’s the problem with repetition: Each time you repeat a message, it loses a bit of its edge…both to you and to your mate. So, to use repetition effectively, you’ve got to find numerous methods of repeating your message, in words, thoughts and actions.

The idea is to repeat yourself, but to do it creatively!

You’ll know when your mate is being responsive to your needs without them saying a word. He’ll order your drink/coffee just the way you like it. She’ll put things back in a particular way because you like them that way. He’ll recommend a restaurant because you have mentioned you like a certain food.

In both newer and longer-term relationships, you must listen carefully because needs, wants, and desires change periodically. So, yes, he used to like raw oysters, but have you noticed that he hasn’t eaten them in the last two years?

Your goal is to use every tool at your disposal to find creative ways to get your message across…repeatedly!

Find Someone Who Does it Well and Copy

The easiest way to feel more in love is to act like it!

There is something about the word imitation that tends to put people off. It sounds as if they are not being creative. However, the reality is everyone imitates. We begin to talk by mimicking the sounds our parents make; we figure out how to interact socially with our peers by watching our family; and we learn countless other tasks in the same manner.

Imitation means modeling your actions after another’s and using their experiences to inform your own decisions.

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.